my baby's daddy before it began....with spiked punch..... 

Video screen of Destiny's Stinkeroooooo's. they were terrible. 

our fag ha.....i mean the girls.....the bitches in da house. 

During ....and hot as shit 

Pre - Live 8...... 

Rob Thomas, gay gay gay.....well not really, but Kevin is now in love love love with him. 

starburst

So many things, so little motivation to talk about them.

1. I cannot stop listening to one of the new songs from COLDPLAY's new Cd. They are "leaking" it on MTV.com. Coldplay did this song on SNL two weekends ago and i got goosebumps immediatly, started to well up with tears.
Fix you, thats the name of the song.
Fix you.

2. My Teef.
One of my temporary crowns popped off yesterday, causing me to melt. One of the worst feelings you've ever had as an adult i tell ya. I mean, as a child you're used to teeth coming out. As an adult there is nothing i can compare it to. Makes me so upset, i cannot tell you. Any way i was eating a Strawberry, that's the best, most full tasting, Starburst.
I called a new dentist, as i have such transference issues with my old one and the pain she inflicted on me previously, and the new dentist office told me they could see me on Monday, and in the meantime I could use a little FIXODENT to hold it in place.
Fix o mutha dent.
Can you frickin stand it? i can't , let me tell ya. So here i sit with a tooth missing---- in the back of my mouth, but man.
Just Man.

3. We went away to the beach this past weekend, that is what the pictures are from. in the previous entries. A very different beach experience, than in the past. I was so relaxed and not partied out like we usually are at the beach. It was nice, really really nice and relaxing. I definately look like a character from star trek right now though, my forehead is all messed up from the sun.
Also ate like a pig pig pig. I mean downright sloven.
Dieting for two reasons -
15 year high school reunion,
P'town in August.
I am going to be comfortable in my body, i really am.
I am not fat, I have a gut, whether it be from food or other things, i cannot let all the work at the gym be ruined by a roll on my stomach. I do not have a disorder, I just want to reach the unreachable perfection that every gay magazine and every tv show presents to me.
So leave me alone and pass me the South Beach Mashed Cauliflower please..... and thank you.

4. Kevin is building a flowerbox in front of our house. That is all I can say about that.

5. Yesterday in the grocery store I had a very interesting exchange. For reasons I cannot explain I was dishonest.
Just follow me.
In the peanut butter isle. Kevin and I are addicts when it comes to peanut butter. Spoonfuls every night after the gym. He eats it with a fork, i prefer a spoon - sometimes we argue over which utensil to use.
I digress again.
This older gentleman looks at me and says " I am going away and I just don't know what size to get."
I tell him that it usually last long, that he should get any size he pleases, but that he should buy the generic brand, because it is the natural kind and it is really really tasty.

He tells me that he usually gets his from Whole Foods, not Superfresh.

I pause, then reach for the Skippy brand peanut butter. I say, very quickly, that the peanut butter is not for me (partial lie), that if it were for me then i would get the Superfresh Brand.

He says - you don't owe me an explaination, and who was i buying it for?
I said my roomate (lie #2)
He leans into me and says " often times, when two people are getting together.......romantically, that the true test of the relationship is the first trip to the grocery store."
I giggle.
I say....ha ha.
have a good trip.

Firstly - why did I say it was my roomate, and not my lover of 5 years,.....because I am fearful of upsetting an older man with my sexuality. I AM RIDICULOUS, as he clearly relayed to me that he was gay too..........I AM ANNOYING...........I was put on the spot and said something I would have said 10 years ago. Or was it that I hate saying the word "lover" or "boyfriend" and that it's easier to just say - roomate?
Secondly - why did i have to justify my purchase to him anyway - and why did he call me out on that?

Still - i neglected to tell him - the crunchy Superfresh brand was better than the creamy - but then again he bought Jiffy. Stubborn in't he?

lori .....how were you feeling right about now lori? full from the cookies I am sure. 

a man and his dog 

total relaxation.... 

noah and the hair style.........how fucking cute is this picture? 

that toothbrush vibrates......and its the most foreplay hilary got all weekend....minus her sleeping with noah. 

oops she did it again....passing gas that kacy is always passing gas. 

darth nathan

some times my introspective side of me gets the best of me. like..enough nate, let your mind stop.
last night i went to see Episode III. the sith. It was amazing. I left very sad and upset though....not sure why. The music at the end is what did it to me. and here's why i think:

as an only child with mostly my imagination to keep me sane and happy, i spent countless days and hours with my Star Wars people. I had every imaginable figure and many of the special things, like x-wing fighters, and the Death Star Space Station......with the little basement which had a trap door for the figures to fall into that trash compactor and get squished.
anyway - last night as i left the theatre, i realized that this was the end of an era for me. I mean, i know, i know, it's totally cheese - but little more than 20 years ago i left some theatre somewhere holding my mom's hand after having watched the original Star Wars - in total awe and amazement, an obsession developing as i got into the car and drove away from that theatre.

Well there i was last night, relishing in the same soundtrack practically - 20 years, thats a long time. I am older now. what a difference 20 years makes.

but all the same - how things stay the same. still an only child - looking for my next obsession.

well, if you don't mind, i think i can spend some more time on this one. like an old hat - or my very first dog - it feels right.
thanks.

An UnfortuNATE Series of Events

So - it's no secret, this week has been challenging for me. On many levels. The most obvious one is my lack of sleep, last night i got some good sleep though. But I have been unbearable in my own mind. I have been on the verge all week, the verge of what I cannot say, but I have been there.
Today as I was driving to work, i said...outloud talking to myself "things are much better today, i feel 100% better.
No sooner did I get these words out, than out of the corner of my eye I see a woman crossing the street, in the middle of the intersection, she ran in front of a bus and then in between two cars. I imediatley screamed out "You stupid fucking idiot", my face was all twisted and my forehead all scrunched up.
I then glanced in the mirror to make sure no one was going to hit the back of the car because I had to slam on my brakes because the "IDIOT" was about to be slaughtered on the road. As I looked in the mirror I burst into laughter....it was so ironic, milliseconds earlier I was happy and glad to be feeling better, and within a dog fart second my faced and voice showed complete and utter disgust.
Hi, I 'm Nate.

It only gets better though. As I was walking from the parking lot to my work I carried in my hand a tasty cardboard cup of coffee from Starbucks. Great for the stomach right? Well as I relished in my polar moods the wind picked up, seemingly dipped into my cup of coffee and blew about 6 large spittles of big coffee all over my shirt and pants. It would be one fucking thing if i were driving or something, but i wasn't. The coffee came up out of the little spout and blew right on my damn self.
I feel ok about it now, i might ruminate over it at 1 am tonight though. just sayin.

and now i want to introduce something to everyone.
my new special thing.
I am going to start writing in here the things which i have wanted to for sometime. On a daily basis I see something and i want to write about it. I see the craziness which invades our city. There are lots of crazy's out there, and i want to document them. therefore I am naming my new journal entries the following:
SPAW
Some Philadelphians Are Whack !


My next entry will be a SPAW entry. Stay tuned.

NATEY