the lights are out and i barely know you

So. It's been a long time since I've felt this overwhelmed. Honestly. I am someone who always struggles with too many thoughts and too much going on in my mind.....but these last few weeks have been something different. In trying to articulate it in my head, I realize that it's helpful to write it out.
and here we are.

I just feel this sense of not knowing what to do. For instance, I've sat here looking at the same piece of paper for 15 minutes, i look at it, shuffle it aside, and then put it right back in front of me. This piece of paper, it's not nothing special. Doesn't say anything bad or even indicate anything is wrong, it's just a damn piece of paper.

I don't know where to turn, where to look for answers, which isn't something I am used to.

So let me be more specific. Home is hard right now. There seems to be a block happening, a stale mate might be what I would refer to it as. Just emotionally, it's still. like a puddle or marsh waters. In some wierd way, I am ok with this, but it's overwhelming. Very very overwhelming.

Then there is the whole roomate thing. We had a roomate who left abruptly, and basically left the top floor of our house a shit hole. Not cool. and of course, suddenly we are out a bit of money that we were used to. Has been an adjustment and a tough one at that. Too Boot my student load just increased to $600 a month. Which totally butt f#$k's me. in a bad way. Not good.

I just don't know what to do, where to turn. I just look at this same damn paper and don't do anything.

Just look at it's whiteness and take it in. As if it were a new thing. But i look closer and it's the same damn paper. All simple, and so so confusing.

nate

ps - i am about to delete Mika and Whitney Houston from my ipod. hate it.

the way you blowin up my phone

You just wait hookers. You just wait. I swear I will have some readership, no matter how i have to promote.

Well, I am not quite that motivated, but my stat counter shows very very little visiting. At one point I had a lot of yous.

My sketchy ass finally got to see Avatar last night. By myself, which is always, for some fucked up reason, very cathartic for me. Anyway - I was so into it, i couldn't sit still, and .....oh god, my ass was quivering.

In other news, I am still stuck in Florida. I am sorta hatin on the NorthEast right now. It's taking me over a bit. We definitely did too much, in a good way. But next time I definitely have to spend some time just being. To note I saw my father. Which is very very odd in many ways, but more on that another time perhaps.

The boys in Fort Lauderdale were dirrrrrrty. Several memories are stuck in my head, but one in particular.....involving a flight instruction student and a text to Kevin and I. Ah. Good times.

We were well behaved though, not including the time we logged at Johnny's, but again,thats for another post.

Our host in Florida was amazing and we got some very special things done while down there and perhaps if you good little monsters I will show you soon.

Have a good day and blessed be the lord. te he he

don't believe the things you tell yourself late at night

Hello men. Hello ladies. And all in between. I am not too sure who and where you might get to me at this point, sometime ago I was sorta connected to the blogging world, but have greatly disconnected from this place.

I was in Fort Lauderdale last week, and decided to re-enter into the world of blogging. I have things to say, and I think I happen to say them with cleverness, somewhat limited cleverness, but certainly feel like I can entertain a bit.

So here I am asking you to take me back into your arms.

What you need to know :

I will spend a decent amount of time talking about music and entertainment stuff.

I will allow for a pretty extensive spewing of personal feelings and thoughts. If you don't like it I am sorry, it's just me.

I am going to be more personal this time around. I felt as though I had to be a bit sterile in my last attempt here. But with facebook and twitter now, people are ready to be read, and ready to be discovered.
So there.

Kiss it.

And leave me comments bitches. I need to feel loved.

Natey

ps - every title of the blog entry is a lyric to a song, that i happen to find interesting.