first. I pulled this from DLISTED.COM
second. I cannot, cannot stop laughing at this. The author of dlisted has people send in captions for these insane pictures...but this one, this one is special. I am chuckling hard as brazilian nuts right now. funny. I mean, what the hell could possibly be going on in this picture? Did she fall into this animal's cage at the zoo???? I can't stop...lau...ghing........................................

This made me scream, holla, piss myself.
I used to work at a Residential Campus for kids with "emotional problems". I worked there as I went to grad school and really really hated it. It was tough work and I did it for scraps i tell ya. I worked there for a while though, it fit nicely into my life at the time. But these kids, these kids were bad. BAD. Now most of them had very legitimate reasons for the behavioral disturbances, ranging from horrible neglect to sexual abuse to extreme cases of conduct disorder. Anyway, there was a kid who was in my unit for a very very long time. He really liked to wipe his poo all over the walls and also enjoyed headbutting the staff. He was a living doll. Just precious. That picture......up there, it reminds me of him. PTSD comin on.

Anyway. Tried to run after work yesterday and was miserable. My calf is not getting better and it's got me McSad. Real sad. Now my entire goal is in question and i have no idea what will happen. I have ice on it as we speak, or ............er, as i type.

Went to a very very super pleasant dinner last night, at a place called Coquette, with two of our most favorite boys. It was planning dinner. We are planning our trip to New Orleans for Halloween. Kevin and I have never been, the two of them have been many many times., so we'll have good tour guides...... We have so much to look forward to in the fall. Big fun parties, a gay wedding, San Diego, New Orleans....and i so so much want to put a Vegas trip in somewhere.

No whammies for the fall. None.

Alright, have a good weekend people. We're not doing too much of anything, maybe painting a hallway. and maybe a beach day somewhere in there.

Oh Shit.
I almost forgot............Britney's new song, i got it on my ipod already. I am diggin it. I cannot believe it came out, just like that. Poof. We'll see what happens....it's better than Melrose Place, i swear.

i'm tryin not to think about you

I have gay in my mouth. Yes. Somehow I have gotten a smallish amount of Ben Gay in my mouth. It's not nice. and it's not ok.
My calves are killing me, and my right calf has a pulled muscle in it somewhere and I am pissed. And upset. These days are so so important for me to be running and training, and I can't. I will give it one more day to clear up. And then push through the pain.

Last night I was up and awake a lot. With a cough, which also kept my man awake too. But during one of my slumber hours I dreamt that I was on plane, and that bitch crashed. It was so so real. Freaked me out man. I lived through it, but the plane crashed man. It spun around a few times and somehow went upside down, but I lived. I hated it.

Does anyone know where one can get a MacBook for a little cheaper than from Apple.com? Just askin, you never know.

The good.
I ran 8 miles on Saturday and did really really well.
The bad.
I was due for a short run last night and did 5 miles and did wonderful with that as well, butttttttttt my calves are killing me today. I have to get new sneakers...like today, so i can break them in for the Distance Run.
The Ugly.
Um. I guess I really don't have an ugly. I had a horrible day at the gym. Horrible. I am so so discouraged about working out right now, that I get upset very easily when i am there. It pisses me off. Kevin and I basically do the same work out. Honestly. And he gets pumped up so much easier than me. Its really really discouraging and makes me very depressed. There. How is that for the Ugly ?

i'm happy you like to play games

homo - work. Funny. Ha ha. I want to be him for Halloween. Very young, but mostly i want to wear those little teeny tiny shorts and have a cheap ole record player with me. That's what i want most.

Since back from vacation, the crown of my head, the scalp (in only one distinct area), has been unreasonably itchy. I can't stop itching. Originally I thought it to be sunburn and skin peel. It's not. Now i look up itchy scalp and the Internet tells me I could have everything from Ringworm to cancer. And my doctor's voice mail is full. It's killin me darling. Simply killing me.

I was looking on line at one of my fav sites of the current mood "Gayz of Our Lives" which chronicles parties and fun things. Scrolling through now I've run across two guys I used to date and one guy we met over vacation. One gentleman in particular got me thinking. About things. It got me thinking about the days of single-dom, which seem like an eternity ago.

This guy, let's call him...Jake, was too cute and i pursued him.....but i specifically remember at that time in my life, i was having fun, but always looking over my shoulder to see if "the one" was behind me. I wanted so very much to get into a relationship and partner up. It would make me nutty. Waiting for calls, and dates, and cards.....sometimes they came, sometimes they didn't and i learned ohhhh so much during that time. I met Jake and the chase was on. He didn't respond overly enthusiastic, and i ran after him. In a couple weeks time, the tables turned and I found he was driving from far away to stay the weekend, and bringing a candle and plant as a token of his ..............desire. At that point I decided that I wasn't all that into him and sorta was a dick to him. No worries Karma's attacked me more than once and i've gotten what was coming to me.

After Jake, I evaluated what was up in my world. And decided to stop looking behind me, to just be. To just enjoy what was circling in front of me.

About three weeks later i met Kevin. It's funny how these things play out. It really is. I know it's cliched. But when i stopped looking, stopped playing games...I met someone who I've spent the last 7 years with. It was as simple as that.

Anyway - i guess the point, and one i am going to focus on for myself, is to enjoy whats on your plate and sorta expect the unexpected (if that ain't too cheesy for you)

Jake looks good, very good in fact....and i hope he's happy. He seems it in the picture. I hope whats on his plate is very good indeed.

Nate

little earthquakes

so, he is a new contestant on Survivor. I am not sure i'll watch it, but he and some others look interesting enough to sink my teeth into. There is a gay dude, so maybe I will watch !!!
The sun is finally coming out today, and i have to admit, i don't' know how i feel about that. The last few days have been great. Sleeping in the chilled night air and not having air conditioning on is my most favorite of things. Autumn also brings about a certain amount of nostalgia which i openly invite, a time to remember things of the past and wonder about the future, I don't really know why this is, but it happens that way for me.
I also ran around 7.5 miles last night which makes me hopeful that i can finish this little 13 miler in September. I hope I can. I will be one miserable bitch if i can't do it.
Layin low for the upcoming weekend. We get the immense pleasure of watching Hilary's dog, Molly, who is.............um, in her terrible twos? Is that the most polite way to say it?
We'll be on our toes the whole night with that one.
Alright folks. Check ya later.
Nate

lastly

the bartender and pines boy....with the mohawk .....................

all these poses, such beautiful poses.

This from the Blue Whale. On Sunday. Oh what a night. Oh what a night indeed. I swear, we ate so well while out there, we all did a really good job in our meals and prep. I have another picture someone sent me, and it's highlarious. It's basically me standing next to some skinny skinny skinny kid....and i look biffed the f up. No jokes about it !!!!
Ah.
One of the parties we went to was hosted by some dude named Anton. He was friends with Angelina Jolie. On his refrig. was the cover to US Weekly, with Anglina and him walking behind her, looking all pissy with fab sunglasses. It was fun. Wasn't it bob? Two times Two.

tail tale

So.
One of the more interesting aspects of our week long trip came from the house next door to us. I still can't put my finger on what was going on, in all honesty I think we all wanted to know, firsthand what the hell was shakin' over there.
We would go to bed, and there would be about 4 or 5 guys just screwin. All loud and "hell ya" (sounds of arse slappin), and we would wake up, and someone would be getting a bj near the hot tub. we woulud eat lunch and someone would be jerkin off.....
Sunday night they had candles lighting the way into their entrance and a guy standing out front trying to capture guys walking by. Anyway, it was just odd....and fabulous for them, but just odd. Thats the thing about the Pines.
There is such sexual energy that you walk away from there not sure how to enter the real world again. Kevin and i struggled all weekend to find things to do here in philly. We ended up spending a lot of time together, reading and just chillin out, which is prolly what we needed to do, all the same, i think we need to find some major love for Philly right now.
I came back to the city with a feeling that i want to start looking for whats next. I don't know. I just don't know.
It also doesnt' help that as our ferry was pulling out of the pines, the ferry coming in was loaded with tight energy and raw heat for the Ascension party.
and trust me you meanies out there, i am not trying to be high and mighty and gay about fire island, true it's a gay cliche, but thats only because its so so breathtaking in so many ways.
Alright, gotta go.
PS - i am glad that its miserable and raining outside.

Alright. Feeling a little more normal now, sorta forgetting the false life of living in the Pines for seven days, and ready to start sharing some of it with you all. And I know that my time line is out of place, but i have to say...Rufus Wainwright saved my life. We can back from the island on Thursday and went to see Rufus on Friday. HE WAS AMAZING. It really helped to settle my weary mind....and be more at peace. Anyway, it's all good. I dread going back to work tomorrow, but i will survive. This pic was our last day on the beach, we were all so so tired, and it was a windy chilly day, but fabulous to sleep to.

We are back. Having been in Fire Island Pines for a full 7 days. Too much fun and I have to be honest. .....I am totally grieving the end of the trip and being home. It's hard to come back to life after such an amazing place and time and.............I would lie if i said that i hadn't cried more than once today, so depressed, UGH !!!!!

don't you worry about the distance

So, the week is upon us, the lavish and lush week in heaven. Can't stand it, am needing some help sleeping at night because i am so excited.
in any event. things are ok on the home front, and work and everything. So much to do before getting out of town though. It's hard to pull it all together and mostly I am trying to really keep my training schedule for the Half Marathon in September, which will be hard to do from Fire Island.
Hey, does anyone know off hand how long Fire Island Blvd is? Just wondering. Saturday i did a pretty good size run, longish, but not where i think i should be at this point. we'll see.

incongruent

For all intents and purposes my insides are out. It's been a bad week for us two together or rather, not together. Very bad indeed. Soul searching a bit and trying to fit circles into squares. And even though this is happening, i spent a very serene night last night with someone very special. Myself.
Yup. I left the house on my bike, intending to get some grub and catch a movie by myself. No movies at the Ritz that I wanted to see, so i went to this sidewalk cafe/restaurant...Caribou. It's a French place with wonderful Onion Soup. Back in early spring kev and i had had a fight and we both independently went there for some soup and clarity, we ended up sitting together and hatching it out. Back to present though, he never showed up last night which allowed me the opportunity to say hello to me. I was the only one sitting in the outside area, and had 2 or 3 glasses of chilled wine. Pleasant enough. Then I went to El Vez, yet another outside eating area. Had a nice Blood Orange Margarita and pondered some more. Left there and went to Franklin Fountains for an ice cream cone - get this, they have Teaberry Ice Cream !!! So darm good. So good.
I got home, still sad and just a little more close to my skin !

cause this is gonna hurt like hell

What ravages of spirit

conjured this temptuous rage

created you a monster

broken by the rules of love

and fate has lead you through it

you do what you have to do

and fate has led you through it

you do what you have to do ...

and I have the sense to recognize that

I don't know how to let you go

every moment marked

with apparitions of your soul

I'm ever swiftly moving

trying to escape this desire

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

but I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how

to let you go

I don't know how

to let you go

a glowing ember

burning hot

burning slow

deep within I'm shaken by the violence

of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

and I have sense to recognize

...............
Sarah McLachlan - do what you have to do

good morning baltimore.

No matter how hard I try I can't seem to keep my pants clean. Nothing I do works. Almost every day that I wear my lite colored khakis I show up to work with bicycle grease on them. Today I was so proud because i got to the place where i lock my bike up and no grease. None at all. I get to work, sit at my desk and bammmmm. Grease. In three places. Whats going on here? Who are you and why are you making me upset everyday, what did i do to you man? Leave me alone. I just want to be gay-ly crisp. and Clean.