i come undone in this mad season

Summer is historically a time of great fun and busy times. Party to party, beach to beach. It has been nothing for us to be in Fire Island one weekend, Rehoboth the next, and then to Provincetown the following. Mix in the bag a little bit of Bucks County pool party lurvin, and you have in front of you our normal summer schedule.
This year has been wildly different. Not in a good way. I feel disconnected, and not ......normal. I've been giving a lot of thought to it this last week, as we close the final days of July.
In an honest attempt to paint myself in a more positive light, I understand our lives have been really "blessed", if you will, and that we are lucky boys to be able to travel and get invites and things. I know that we are totally fortunate in that regard. So I am not complaining. really am not.
Just trying to figure out why and how I got to feeling so socially detached. I think that we've gotten comfortable in not really making great efforts to connect with people outside of our immediate circle of friends. And I am not happy with myself in that way.
This summer started out really sad, I am not going to go into that right now, but sad is the only word to describe it, and I think we're still hungover from that sadness. Hopefully some of that is lifting, but I still feel foggy, disconnected and wonder what we did wrong.
Last night someone invited us to play Poker with people we don't know. We went and it was brilliant. Had so much fun. Connect the dots, and feel the rewards. Kevin also threw a really thoughtful party for my birthday last weekend. Which was really nice and I began to feel my heart beat a little bit.
Is it too late to start summer ?

i heard that you were trouble, but i couldn't resist

Team Jacob. For sure. No doubts about it. Jacob Black. Taylor Lautner. Yes. Yes. Yes.

sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell

To be sure, the running thing started out of the need to heal. Yeah, things weren't going too good in my life, things just weren't adding up. I took to running and found it to be this huge, enormous carthartic action.

And i felt better the more i ran. and i ran, and ran.

But just as sure as the positive effects are healing and help me to grow as a man, not being able to run like you want to, well it can feel devastating.

Since the Broad Street Run, I have been doing horrible on my runs. My breathing has come unraveled, my knee hurts, and most recently i have this horrible painful hip problem. Almost every run turns into this painful and stressful experience and its pissing me off.

I just got an x-ray of my hip to see my ortho doctor tomorrow morning. I wouldn't normally be so concerned with it all, except that i should be in full swing training for the Philly Distance Run (it's a half marathon).

Just thought I would share. I am not too sure who is stil around here, but if you are still checking this out, after all the time has passed, would sure like to hear from you.

COMMENTS !!! Now !!!!!!!!

Tao

For some time i've been toying with a new tattoo. I think it's time. I think it's time to make some change across the board. Not sure what or how. But am thinking that a tattoo and a new lease is the way to go.

I've just had another birthday, one where Kevin really treated me to a nice and wonderful time. A party and many cocktails later, I literally could not stand up. really. Apparently I could not sit down either, as I fell of my chair backwards. Bad. And good at the same time. It was my birthday for god sake.
Anyway, my intent will go un-named right now, but I know that change is in the air.....and figuring that tattoo out might be just the way to start.

safe from harm

Well, here we go. Another week to start, feeling good about this week. Have a lot to do and a lot to sort through, but have to stay strong and focused on whats ahead.....whatever that is. Feels a lot like big change is coming, can't elaborate, but it's coming. For me......for my journey.

Am reading Wally Lamb's new book...and I am really liking it, moves me. So much does anymore, I guess my thirty something ass is finally getting it.

Recently found some new old songs. Annie Lennox, pure perfection.
Love you the most.
NR

they call me hell

Hey. Some days you can win, or at least fake it and then some days you just suck it big time. Today feels like I am sucking it big time. Impossible to talk to someone who just isn't present. Not one bit. So often it feels like my age is not relevant. That the schoolyard chase was the only thing that really ever mattered. UGH !!!

But, in an effort to be a grown up who is focused on changing what I can, and making a difference with myself and not others.....
have you heard the Ting Tings ??? I love them. LOVE THEM.
Thinking of going running, but feeling a bit foggy for that too. Not sure what else to do right now, but one thing is for sure. I can do what I am doing.
Anyway - have a fun day and I will talk to You Later !!!!!!!!
Natey

and the new year begins. with much ado. So many things to peek ahead for. What the economy will bring us, what our choices will land for us.
It's all so mysterious, isn't it ?
Well I just wanted to check in with you all. To let you know what was up in this part of town.
we went to see Milk yesterday. So so so powerful and moving. I could not stop sobbing after the movie. Such a nutbag I am. But i HIGHLY recommend it for you all. Sean Penn is uncanny in his work. James Franco is one hot little box. Totes.