Tuesday, August 30, 2005





too much static


being back from vacation is taxing man. Totally sucks for me, and i am listening to the static too much (6 feet under...more on that later too).
It was an amazing vacation, Ptown really turned my shit out. I can't lie about it. Leaving on Saturday afternoon was painful for me, driving down 95 back to the real world was about as exciting as getting on a scale and seeing an additional 15 pounds.
But....trying to be more optimistic, i am lucky to have had so much fun. The beach and the entertainment were out of this world, not to mention the many many men we met. Anyway, blogging ain't on my list of priorities, but wanted to give a few shots of the vaca....we took very limited pictures, couldn't focus on that as we were too worried about what we were missing out on, but anyway. Here are some.....miss you ptown.

Friday, August 19, 2005

so long suckers.....


All i can think about is how relaxed i am going to be in 24 hours from now. And i want to say bye bye, leaving work and going home to finish packing and make for the Cape.
Hope everyone has a nice week next week and we'll see you soon, won't be blogging from there i don't think.....so your on your own.
have a fun
(this pic is when kevin had his head shaved, hot huh? I loved it.)
anyway
Au Revoir.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

clean compose

The expression on Ms Federline. Its one of being fed up. One of frustration, "you dumb photographer, can't you get it right already?"

I am happy to report that i am not writing to relay my frustration. Quite the opposite. This is a story of how to do it the right way......not the way the photog took brit's picture...... (p.s. - she is damn sexy in this picture isn't she? now look at her...........oh me oh .....)

The story:
A gentleman whom i know from the gym (he also ran in the marathon that i did) came up to me and asked "is that other tall guy i see you with your boyfriend?" "why yes, " i reply.
"he's very attractive"
inside i sigh, i get upset as i know this is going to end up with him telling me how damn lucky i am, how i am the quasimodo to his esmelrelda, i am the beast to kevin's beauty...........the kevin federline to his britney...(wait...not quite)

but no - he continued.
"you are both so attractive, it's such a good thing, two handsome men together, and it's just so obvious, it's good when i can identify that he is your boyfriend"
I stumble, act stupid and trip over my feet. Tres unexpected. how refreshing.

That is how to do it.
And he now has my full respect.

Despite the Beat


Despite the beat of things unsaid....its been amazing today, one of those mornings where the sun is shining just right and the coffee is just strong, and the hair does just what it's supposed to. One of those days when the air is cool and inspiring, where you can sit outside and drink the coffee, and contemplate your navel.

Despite the beat of my dream this morning, i can continue on with my life knowing that i am not a celebrity's boyfriend. The girl in this picture at right was my girlfriend (yes girlfriend, odd i know) this morning when i woke up.
In slumber she and I were an item. She liked me a lot, we were even kissing while watching tv. Then some guy came over and she decided that she did not want me. And as i was getting ready to leave, the other guy let her cat out, of the house and it ran away.....but i found the cat under the house and ended up winning over Lindsay's love ..........and status as her boytoy.

Despite the beat. Of things i cannot control, i am remaining maniacally hysterical about this upcoming week in ptown. cannot. wait. one. more. day.

All this and more. I have more to say, but it will have to wait for a minute.
Natie

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

....but i fear....i have nothing to give


For a couple of years I felt it, i really really was under a spell. I mean, once I held the finished product in my big hands, i knew, i was powerless, for at least two to three months. Sometimes it was tori, sometimes it was sarah, and sometimes, just once in a while it was ricki lee jones. Once i finished a mixed tape, that was it...it held the power to turn me into one big chill factory. I always knew that the tape i had just finished dubbing and recording was 10x better than the one i had made months ago. It was a labor of love, making a mixed tape.....it took hard work, emotionally and physically. I would sit for a couple hours, for at least three to four days attempting to create just the right mix.
And forget it, if someone gave me a mixed tape....that was it...man, totally over. To be given a mixed tape could take my borderline admiration for a possible suitor and turn it into a earth shattering love affair.............yes the mixed tape...all but gone. I still have a bag of them in the basement, which kevin keeps trying to resurrect. I am such an ipod freak now that it's silly, and yeah i know, playlists are easier and don't take up room in the dash of the car...even still, it's nice to think about just how powerless one became in the 80's and 90's when that someone special gave you a tape, to relay emotion.
Wake me up, before you go-go...................better yet, Take the Long Way Home.
Natie

PS- just got a juicy "411" from denise....and i am floored, shout out to Denise and Brooksie !!!!!!

Monday, August 15, 2005

good is good and bad is bad

Last night I went, by myself, to see Crash. I really loved it, felt that in some ways it didn't deliver the tsunami i thought was coming, but overall thought it was done really really well. The scene from this poster was perhaps my most favorite of all. The dude and little girl were so powerful, the emotion that was on the tip of my head during this scene....anyway my stomach was in knots the whole movie, i was so worried how it was going to turn out, who was going to die, who was going to get caught because they were doing something they should not have. very very good.
and one other thing about it....why doesn't Jennifer Esposito have more roles in films ? I totally dig her, but where is she the other 75% of the year?

In other news, getting ready for our stay in Ptown. Not really in the mode yet, to get ourselves together....getting packed and on the road is notoriously the hardest part, but planning and pain meds might make it easier this time....kidding.

Timing can sometimes be everything. Our friend Linda pointed me to an article in the
New York Times Style section. It highlights Philadelphia as being the 6th Borough of NYC. As of late I have really been thinking of NY and what I am missing by living here. It's always been a dream, to live in NY, a dream that was never really a reality. And it's not now either, our life is here in philadelphia, a house, a dog, a cat, a career......a life. A good one. Yet...it's always there, and it's always on the tip...that desire, that longing. As odd as it sounds, i breath easier in nyc. through the pollution, the decay....i breath easier. Coming to terms with this, lately has been hard for me, hard on us. In order to move through it all easier though, i know the answer is to infuse our life with more, more ny....it's only a short ride, and we have friend who live there, we have connections..............thats the answer for right now. The answer for others though, in the article, was to leave ny. It's funny, the picture in the article, we know 6 of the people in it. Anyway it's interesting to read and.....fitting for me and where i am.
alright, gotta work, ciao
natie

Saturday, August 13, 2005


i often wonder what it would be like to hang out with a bunch of men in a far off place, with nothing but my underwear on.....and ....drinking coffee-ish looking liquid......at dusk, laughing and talking and .......but then i think about half my life, and maybe thats what i fucking do every weekend. anyway - i sure would like one of those dog tag looking things......
 Posted by Picasa

Friday, August 12, 2005

Save some face, you know you've only got one.

i was thinking recently alot about what you give and what you get back in life....this isn't some yoga-inspired entry or anything, but it's really interesting to think about it.
I was talking to our friends the other day about being a shit to other guys in the past, before i met kevin, in between jason and kevin as a matter of fact. two really strong cases presented themselves like a brick in the balls.
so - this post is about being selfish, and mean. but doing so by mistake.

Case #1 :
I was online, in the pre-broadband days, and met a guy from Oregon...as it turned out he was a nanny for a famous chick, and dead- famous rocker.....we talked on the phone eventually and as it turned out he hinted of coming to Baltimore, he knew other people there, but the agenda was to meet me (his b and b was two blocks from the condo). long story short, he came to bmore and i found myself being somewhat unattracted to him, physically that is. it was bad, i was bad, i avoided a truthful conversation...........bad. hurtful. immature.

Case #2:
One balmy night at a dirty club in DC. Last dance, guy came up and smacked me with tongue. As it turns out, the tongue was British. he was from London, working for Virgin Airlines........talked on phone after he left (mind you, did not spend any time with him, just the kiss, then my friends yanked me out - with tele contact info in hand) . Again - short story, he flew from London, stayed with me, ended up leaving after two nights of nothing. Nothing i tell ya. In fact, he got up early in the morning and left without saying goodbye. Once again - my fault, my avoidance and my poor methods of truthful confrontation.

Case # 3:
Victim. Me.
after those two you'd think that the divine all powerful decided it was my turn to feel pricked. if thats what you'd think, then you'd be right.....
New Years Eve 2000. Roxy. Met Pascal. came back two weeks later, met Christophe while visiting pascal - ended up with my bags at Christophe's.....smitten and falling. Go back to Baltimore, then back to nyc two weeks later. Christophe decides its a no go with Nate. Nate totally devasted. Totally lost, total train wreck, total self destruction.

In the end i think we all get back what we put forth. It's a funny way to think, i know, but its just gotta be the way it is. We all do shitty stuff in our lives, unless your George Bush or Jerry Falwell of course, but it's our job to make it better, to be more honest, with our selves and others...............

or maybe you just gotta hurt and then be hurt to appreciate it......make no mistake - no regrets here...(wait ------ i would take back July 16th, totally).......you live and then you learn. Age makes you appreciate maturity more than you'd think though.
And oddly enough, age and maturity still don't always equal the truth.

ok it was a little deep, i know. Sorry. Have a great weekend. Talk soon.
Natie.


It's a special day today, with a special pair. thats all i know. more posts later. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

6 feet of red hot massacre

so - at first we watched mr. Eric Balfour on 6 feet, then, since i love love love scary movies, i watched him in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake.........i have no idea what he is up to at this point....other than lookin smokin hot, i mean ...fer real. He was great on 6 feet as Claire's messed up boyfriend.....and hasn't she had severl.
anyway - some eye candy to get you through the day. and hey, let's have some drinks tonight, wanna???????

lipshitz

The joy of my life, the apple of my eye if you will.
My Ipod. I love it so, so much. The pleasure of it all. As many of you know my world centers around music and all the insane messages I can daftly extract from lyrics. I've spent many an hour thinking about my life path with a personalized soundtrack in the background. This morning I hop on my bike with my pod in my ears (i know, be quiet, it's not safe, but i keep the volume turned down) and i put the pod on random....and up comes the "Cell Block Tango". Of course, head thrashing and out-loud singing begin almost instantly......what a nice way to officially start off my morning............Officially.

When Kevin and I first met, we lived three hours apart ........i was finishing my master's program living in Baltimore, working for Amtrak in Penn Station (nyc) as an EAP dude. It was fabulous to work there, although the two hour train ride was painful three times a week. On the weekends we would see each other - every other weekend we would rotate (not just on each other silly - to our homes). We did that for a whole year....a whole year of lots of filler time. This is when i first became fixed on the Cell Block Tango..in my car while driving to see him and our relationship i would play that song over and over - among others of course..........not to mention the digits of books i would devour on Amtrak - many of which pulled me through much change and much decision making.
Truth be told, those times, when I was alone by myself in the train, or in my car....i found peace, i found me...a newly developed me with kevin in my life. Sometimes i would watch the sun set, sometimes it would rise........and isn't that so important to remember.....it will always rise...and new things will pop up every single day.......

Tuesday, August 9, 2005


first let me explain why i am watching so much tv.....kev and I have been having a really busy - fast summer, with little to no time here in philly (which is just fine) so during the week instead of going out and spending $ on dinner and fruity cocktails we've been having nice nights at home after the gym. So i have been watching mucho tv - escapism and relaxation to me....
so anyway onto my several problem post. A while ago we had a freaky storm - electricity went out and everything...since then our satellite dish is all biffed up. We only get about 1/3 of our channels - and of course to get it fixed we have to have some jack come out and do a service call - which only takes place from 8am - 5 pm, which therefore leaves us with only weekends to get it fixed, and since we've been such circuit hookers- we ain't been around durning the weekend. ....soooooooo my tv is limited. Thankfully we get TNT and CBS - which means i can watch CSI, and my new pleasure......
The Closer. And last night mister RYAN CARNES just so happened to be on it, he was a bad boy-but anyway if you arent' watching this show you should. It's pretty damn good..... and when they have someone like ryan on it.....well it's good.....and last week it was about a gay couple...just sayin.

In other news, fortunately for me before the satellite went out i was able to tivo many episodes of Felicity - say what you will , it was an slice of time for me....a good one at that and i can't help but feel all gooey inside when i watch it....what i realized last night though - Felicity's nutty therapist smoked in her office during their sessions.

Now - how does this compare to natie?
When i have sessions i sometimes drink water - or coffee depending on the time of day - even then i wonder what my clients are thinking about that? ???? is it offensive, do it bother them? should i offer them some?

From now on though - i won't worry about that, somehow i think their crack addiction, gambling problem, severe depression - is more important than if i sip some h20.........just sayin.

Monday, August 8, 2005

Quiche and screwing my husband to death.


RIP my dear Nate.

I know this picture is from last week's episode, but it's one last shot. And you know what? It made me crazy last night. At the end of the show I felt like I wanted to puke...I know, drama right? But I would have felt a whole lot better if they let it rip. I was on the verge of streaming salty water from my eyes - but it never made it. I wanted so much to have a session, a pity, sad, moment of a crying session. It never came. Which I think was brilliant. The edge of it all made it orgasmic. Brenda is amazing, I totally dig her depth, and reality. She almost had me when she broke down with Billy, and .....oh i can't stand how good it was really. Mom and Claire rock it out too. Anyway- that guy in the red hoodie freaked me out a little....but I hate how freaky David can be...........all in all, the show lost me a while ago, I still have many TiVo'ed episodes to catch up on, but it got me back - only to have two more left...............as always - good things must come to an end.


my man ...pondering mint julups....julips? how to spell.... Posted by Picasa


have you met marco yet? Tis he.... Posted by Picasa


coldness........and memory. Posted by Picasa


As gay gay gay as it is, these underwear are my new fav.....and these pictures....you gotta ask yourself...can it get any more gay than this.? gnich gnoch.... Posted by Picasa

Sunday, August 7, 2005


venus fly traps.........also create your own story here, but man would i love one of these here at home...seymour, come and get it..... Posted by Picasa


these pads were like 5 feet wide....no shit....can you believe it? Posted by Picasa


reflections Posted by Picasa


eery little scene no? Lovesit. Posted by Picasa


these little beetles where everywhere, only on this one flower though, it's taste must be like an orgasm to these little fuckers. Posted by Picasa


I have no idea why my hair looks orange...it ain't orange or blond, it's brown, shit brown......but it looks totally Batman Joker Orange (Jim Carrey) in this picture...look at the other one of me in the reflection, not orange....this one orange. Why god, why? Posted by Picasa


a little alien for you.... how strange huh? fuzzy little thing. Posted by Picasa


you must make your own conclusions........really go ahead diane, what do you make of this? Posted by Picasa

Friday, August 5, 2005

stooooopid like you


I just pissed my pants when i scrolled down to see this picture of our darling little Love. I don't know why i think it's so funny, i mean it's obviously funny - but I think i connect to it instantly because it looks like many twisted, tweeked messes i have seen in my efforts to conquer the world.
I lifted it off of
this hilabulous site. i love love it. Go check this site out. Now prease.
The Jessica Simpson beatings are hella hilarious.

pissin on the present

I am going to start out my post with this picture.
Jack rabbit sex, one of the most fucking sexfabulous moments
just take a minute to remember....and when he turned to her in the ceremony and mouthed "fuck you" to her. Lovesit.


My boss just came into my office to talk about a client. she used a phrase, a catch phrase if you will, that fully illustrates some feelings i may or may not have right now.

She said of the client.
"He has one foot on the past, one on the future...which only means he's pissing on the present."

well said my dear old girl. well said.
What i've wanted, what i want, and lastly......... what i have. Past, Present, and Future.
who the fuck knows.

All i know is that....well, i am not one who has always done butt or legs exercises at the gym, they are sorta just there, thin legs, but toned and nice..but....flat ass. No question about that. Baby ain't got back, ain't got it man, just don't.
More and more though i see a guy in a pair of jeans that poke out in the back and come back round to hit the small of his back...and i think to myself "it's genetic" and i want it.
And in some people it is genetic, like, big bubbles.....they have to be genetic. Kevin has been working out his ass for a while now, and as he is the new stud of the east coast, clearly it has been working. It has actually blown up. Of course, he is able to create muscle very easy...he's lucky like that...and eat absolutely any damn thing he wants, but i digress.

So yesterday I go to start my new Bubbalicious workout. It hurts mommy. Really hurts.
Yes you might say i am trying to round out my workout, and yes it's a result of two weekends in Fire Island, and yes you are sick of hearing about Fire Island. But it's consuming me. A little. again, i love it. And the impact it has on your self identification can be severe. At least for me. I am an individual and i know it, i know that people think kindly of how i look, for the most part, but there is a part of me that is drawn to the drastic style that some gay boys had on the island, and in general in nyc. i don't think that there was a cookie cutter feeling there. The muscle heads are generally the same, but the men were really not all like that.
Anyway - i forgot about this, but there were these two guys who were dancing next to kevin and i at one point. Kevin didn't shut up about them for a couple hours, at least. They were both like 6'10 or something and kev could not believe it. They were both blond, very blond and VERY VERY smokin,,,,,i instantly identified the beauty there, but was totally surprised that kevin was so taken out by them, i think the height had something to do with it, since kevin is usually one of the tallest...
and most beautiful.
have a good one.
natie

Thursday, August 4, 2005

difficult kind


just for fun, since i am so empty. is it bad? to be empty? any guess yet?

bondage

so i have figured out said porn star's porn name. Think naomi watts, scary movie. thats all i'm sayin. let's play a game if we can.
give me the name of the gentleman who displaced nate on saturday night.

in other news. i am empty this week, mostly. not much feeling surrounding anything, just tired. thats the feeling. tired.

i can't stop eating sushi.
i guess thats something.
enjoy.
i am boring.
today.

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Back from the Pines Party - physically, that is, not totally mentally back yet. It was a decidedly excessive weekend, but in the simplest way, a beautiful weekend.
Couple of things:

To the Pines in general: I am now addicted to your over - the - top lifestyle. Although I know I will never live the life of a True Pinian, I very much want to get a share there next summer and be a poser.

To the piece of wood that made me fall: I know that I should not be walking on the beach at 3 in the morning and I also know that I should be more careful. What I did not know was that I was going to look like a train hit me head - on once I tripped on the walkway in front of 389 Neptune Walk. I fell, thankfully no one was with me or saw me.....my fingers, knees and elbows have mucho cuts on them now.

To the Real Estate Agent / Porn Star from the Pines Party: I am still trying to process everything you said and did on Saturday night. I flip flop and feel bad more than good when i try to put it in place. When you came over to talk to us, I immediately knew that i was in trouble as you barely knew i was standing next to my husband. The way you stared at him so close to his face made me feel uncomfortable, even a little anxious. When you realized that i was his boyfriend, it was nice of you to ask if we did threesomes, instead of just trying to take my bf away by himself. I really appreciate that. I also appreciate it when you asked me if you were making me mad. What i can't really appreciate is the way you looked at me, touched my chest and said "I mean, your cute too, but he is the most beautiful man" Somehow that didn't translate well for me. In the end, after you came up to us several times, i know you got along with your night as i saw you with someone else.......and i came to a strong realization about my relationship and my man. So, the bottom line is that i thank you for helping me see something in a new way, you could have been a little more respectful to me though.....so try a different strategy next time and what is your porn name Frederic? So we can see some of your work.

To kevin: Thank you for handling that situation as well as you did. It is flattering to have one of the most beautiful men we have ever seen want to get with you, and difficult to handle on many levels for sure. I am not sure how I would have handled it, but feel you did the best you could.....

To the man who thought he was floating and was in a g hole. I hope you are alright, it was really one of the most ghastly things I have ever seen in my life. i thought your eyes were going to pop out of your head, and was truly worried you were going to need fast medical attention. I am glad your friends were helping you out though and hope you are ok.

Have a good Tuesday everyone, and remember to relax, lifes too short. and the movie in your mind can be anything you want it to be.
Natie