Save some face, you know you've only got one.

i was thinking recently alot about what you give and what you get back in life....this isn't some yoga-inspired entry or anything, but it's really interesting to think about it.
I was talking to our friends the other day about being a shit to other guys in the past, before i met kevin, in between jason and kevin as a matter of fact. two really strong cases presented themselves like a brick in the balls.
so - this post is about being selfish, and mean. but doing so by mistake.

Case #1 :
I was online, in the pre-broadband days, and met a guy from Oregon...as it turned out he was a nanny for a famous chick, and dead- famous rocker.....we talked on the phone eventually and as it turned out he hinted of coming to Baltimore, he knew other people there, but the agenda was to meet me (his b and b was two blocks from the condo). long story short, he came to bmore and i found myself being somewhat unattracted to him, physically that is. it was bad, i was bad, i avoided a truthful conversation...........bad. hurtful. immature.

Case #2:
One balmy night at a dirty club in DC. Last dance, guy came up and smacked me with tongue. As it turns out, the tongue was British. he was from London, working for Virgin Airlines........talked on phone after he left (mind you, did not spend any time with him, just the kiss, then my friends yanked me out - with tele contact info in hand) . Again - short story, he flew from London, stayed with me, ended up leaving after two nights of nothing. Nothing i tell ya. In fact, he got up early in the morning and left without saying goodbye. Once again - my fault, my avoidance and my poor methods of truthful confrontation.

Case # 3:
Victim. Me.
after those two you'd think that the divine all powerful decided it was my turn to feel pricked. if thats what you'd think, then you'd be right.....
New Years Eve 2000. Roxy. Met Pascal. came back two weeks later, met Christophe while visiting pascal - ended up with my bags at Christophe's.....smitten and falling. Go back to Baltimore, then back to nyc two weeks later. Christophe decides its a no go with Nate. Nate totally devasted. Totally lost, total train wreck, total self destruction.

In the end i think we all get back what we put forth. It's a funny way to think, i know, but its just gotta be the way it is. We all do shitty stuff in our lives, unless your George Bush or Jerry Falwell of course, but it's our job to make it better, to be more honest, with our selves and others...............

or maybe you just gotta hurt and then be hurt to appreciate it......make no mistake - no regrets here...(wait ------ i would take back July 16th, totally).......you live and then you learn. Age makes you appreciate maturity more than you'd think though.
And oddly enough, age and maturity still don't always equal the truth.

ok it was a little deep, i know. Sorry. Have a great weekend. Talk soon.
Natie.