got a feeling it's too late

I can't believe that more of the gays ain't ready to go with this dude. He performed last at the Oscar's on Sunday. Jon McLaughlin. He's pretty. and he's got pipes too. Can blow pretty well. I downloaded his cd (can i call it cd if it's from itunes???) a long time ago.

In any event, check him out, at least to look at him....sensitive little boy.

What else ?

Interesting things. At least for me. I just got an email from Kevin. And it's got me thinkin a bit. He tells me that he gave his business card to some guy we've met a few times. He saw him on the street. He wants to know how we know him and what the guy's name is, the guy proposed that we go to dinner with he and his bf (who we know quite well) .

The thoughtful part for me is this, and it has nothing to do with Kevin at all really, it' s me. I saw the same guy last week, and i kept to myself, knowing that we'd have something to talk about. I averted my eyes and didn't accept any further notion that we'd talk. A few years ago I promised myself to be more.....open, easy to talk to. People have always thought me to be snotty, but it's not the case...most of the time, well............some of the time. Anyway, Kevin will talk to anyone, he's good about that, he's usually less discriminating with his conversation than i am....but this case.....did they stop and just chat with pleasantries ?? Flirt a little perhaps (which is fine) or just say "HEY !!!"

I want to better at this, i do. Head up, and confident....ugh. Just smack me if you see me. Ok ? Ok !

CAN ANYONE HELP ???

Can you help me get a copy of The Feeling's new release "Join With Us"?
It was released in the UK last week, and there is no information about when it will drop in the US. I tried everything I know. I even downloaded it from a UK store, but it is encrypted for Window's Media and won't transfer to an MP3 format. So i am stuck. Ideas?

do you have a jift for me ?

Dina Martina.

Loverly. Just Loverly. So funny. A Ptown favorite. now in NYC.

she goes downtown, the boys all stop and stare

New hair cut. It was like the heaven's opened up and said "Welcome home lady N". Seriously. I was trying, yet again, to grow that mop out and it was looking haggard. Of course my hair dude was dying for me to let it keep growing, but I just couldnt' hang. No way, no how. There wasn't really one person who said anything nice about it. Anyway, this is me right out of the salon.....and I have gay face. I know. But dont' really care. I dig the hair cut, makes me feel good again.

Onward and upward.

New Music Tuesday - Nothing, not a thing....well a few. Anna Nalick's new single "Shine" is a pretty good follow up to her first stuff......as well as Fischerspooner's new single "The Best Revenge," but i've had that for a while. It's good and the remixes are great.

So.

I might as well discuss this...see if anyone has ideas....well not even for that. Just to talk about something.....so as you know, in December I was feeling really sick......really bad. Of course, i've thought of the worst.

I was a mess pretty much all December, and have new respect for how people deal with fearing that sort of thing (hiv). Sobbing for like, three weeks straight. Kevin was amazing......I was messy. MESSY. Totally unreal.

However, my symptoms have not cleared. I am scared, unsure of what is going on. When I got sick in December my glands in my neck got all swollen, towards the end of Decmeber the glands near my collar bone got sore and biggish....they are like the shape of a string bean, along my collar bone. The doctor is not alarmed, but I am. The problem is that I have neck pain, and I am constantly aware of these tight, pinching glands....if thats what they are. They hurt, not in a "I need medication" way...just in a way that i am aware and it's slightly annoying. The back of my neck is sore, like i did a million crunches and my neck is sore from it. Glands in the rest of my neck are slightly swollen, not huge. I have been getting headaches more than not, and can get pretty tired, almost fatigued. Anyway, my doc sent me to a Ear Nose Throat doc....to check my neck out. I go next week, and nervous about it. I want to find out whats wrong, and am afraid the doctor is going to think i'm nuts.....thoughts??????

what do i know ?

Here's what I have to say on Friday, hookers.

• The video for Kayne West's "Flashing Lights" is so hawt. Check it out. The song is phat....ok enough with that.
• The hottest M F'er on Big Brother, Matt, got a hummer last night on the video stream. I wish i wasn't at work right now.
• Question for Doctors. If one's white blood count goes from 4.4 to 3.7 in a month, should there be concern ?
• I broke down in laughter this morning because of Kevin and I. Let me preface this by indicating that my little poopie was JAMMED last night. Feeling bad, Valentine's Day was cornfusing for us. We'd decided not to spend $200 on dinner smooshed against some straight couple who didn't like us. But then, we felt a little depressed that we didn't make plans. Anyway, we hogged the hell out on some Spanish deliciousness, which immediately sent me into a food coma. ANYWAY. What i was laughing about was how silly we are. Two guys living together, basically the same size in clothes, presents problems. We don't like to share, so it's constant.....constant issues around that. And how silly is that? Even socks. SILLY Boys.
• I am not impressed with Sheryl Crow's new cd. Not at all. I love her, love her. But this one let me down. Little Wyatt takes up her time now i guess.
• Having said that. I love the new Simple Plan cd. Who knew?
• For the first time, since ............Kelly Clarkson, i am watching American Idol. They seem to have redeemed themselves. No stupid singers this time.
• Due to the food coma, i did not watch Lost last night. So shut your piehole.
• My sissy is stirring. I am so so so excited for the new Indian Jones movie. Roll the soundtrack.

love you the most.

Ethel.

i'm going down

The weather yesterday was unacceptable. Just not worthy of my time and energy. It zapped me, however I did run my ass off last night. Fast fast fast. Every time i get on the treadmill, i say...ok, this is my easy run, slow and easy. I end up doing intervals the whole time. It makes it go faster.....until i get to run outside anyway.

The weekends stories hugh ??? Not pretty. Mostly unpretty in fact. And usually i would beat myself up about it, but we've been so so good lately, and i just knew it would be a blow out. Friday night we all got cut off at a bar, and ended up home at 3AM. Saturday was slowish, getting up a little late, but we had the most fun. Triumph Brewery hosted for us and it was amazing. Unfortunately almost no one remembers the end of the night. It was well worth it though. The party was a success, if not a total blackout for everyone.

It's been decided. We're going to Vegas the weekend after the Broad Street Run in May. It's looking like we'll be staying at the Wynn. Love that hotel, and we decided to do it up right. Spend the extra money for the lux.

You Owe Me Nothing in Return

Oh. Friday. how i love you, how i long for you when your not near me. I think of you in meetings, I think of you in the shower. And mostly i think of you when i wake up in the morning.

Yes Friday. It is you, who makes my head spin. It is you who gets my motor revving and you, who makes it all ok.

Thank god you are here, thank god you show me the way.

This weekend is going to be a blow out. A grand ole gay time. Bob and Dave, from Baltimore, are coming up...to celebrate their Birthdays. It's also Hilary and Gary's Birthday. Lots o fun. LOTS.

To celebrate, we're going to Triumph Brewery on Saturday around 7. See you there darlings. Come one, come all.

Open !

deep inside of you

When we met light was shed

Thoughts free flow you said you've got something

Deep inside of you

A wind chime voice sound,

sway your hips round rings true

Echo’s deep inside of you

These secret garden beams changed my life so it seems

Fall breeze blows outside, I don't break stride

My thoughts are warm, and they go deep inside of you

Oh yeah

And I never felt alone

Alright, alone...alone

Till I met you

Third Eye Blind

__________

I wish this band would come back.

So so good.

Nate

it's always dangerous....

nothing. not a thing. is going on. i took a test today to be a Certified Employee Assistance Professional. I passed. I am now considered a CEAP. Good times. It was actually a long test. It felt like it was never ending, and it took me a while to finish. This girl next to me had this horrible sniffle going on, and she was so so nervous. I don't think she passed whatever test she was taking because she didn't look so good when she left.
Anyway - hope all is going well for everyone.

do you remember when Mariah Carey lost her mind in front of the world a few years back. I thought there was no way that girl would be seen again.
I am speechless about Britney. There isn't much to say, because it is so so sad. I just watched something from this site. x17online.com, and i cannot believe how insane she is acting. I can't figure it out though. What is the issue, drugs or mental status ??? I think it's more than likely a dual diagnosis, but she is really exhibiting some strong criteria for Bi Polar or something more serious. Strange, and sad.
And I love Blackout. -------------------------------

box full o honey

devasting polaroids.

good morning, good morning to you

v. bait·ed, bait·ing, baits v. tr.

1. To place a lure in (a trap) or on (a fishing hook).
2. To entice, especially by trickery or strategy.
3. To set dogs upon (a chained animal, for example) for sport.
4. To attack or torment, especially with persistent insults, criticism, or ridicule.
5. To tease.
6. To feed (an animal), especially on a journey.

Sometimes other people, often those who we love and care for, will say things to get a reaction out of us. When someone does this to me, I say that they are baiting me. Baiting me to respond angrily or emotionally because that is how they are feeling.
Lately, I've come to a better understanding of how this happens to me, and more importantly, how I handle it.
In my lifetime, my general response to being baited, is to react emotionally - to blurt back and show general anger (often times my anger produces a character similar to our stereotypes of a very loudmouthed trucker). I step right in the trap and get caught, stuck, and bleeding out mean words and resentment.

Over two weeks ago something happened and I realized that a calmer response, or no response at all is best. It makes all the difference for me. It will take me time, but someone once said to me....."We're looking for progress, not perfection" !!!!!!!!

I also realized something else. I can only do 50% of that work. I take ownership of not falling into the trap. The other 50% is that the other party has to avoid the baiting to begin with. Otherwise the job is only half done.

So eat it girls.

And darlings.........just work with me.

Nathan !!!

i love it when you call

The Feeling. Check them out !!!. and the one in the middle...he's gay gay gay !!! and very purty.

flowery faggggggg

in times of cold, blustery days.....where nothing is warm, except your mans booty.....think of the less frigid days and be happy !!!!!!!!
without the walking cast.