darth nathan

some times my introspective side of me gets the best of me. like..enough nate, let your mind stop.
last night i went to see Episode III. the sith. It was amazing. I left very sad and upset though....not sure why. The music at the end is what did it to me. and here's why i think:

as an only child with mostly my imagination to keep me sane and happy, i spent countless days and hours with my Star Wars people. I had every imaginable figure and many of the special things, like x-wing fighters, and the Death Star Space Station......with the little basement which had a trap door for the figures to fall into that trash compactor and get squished.
anyway - last night as i left the theatre, i realized that this was the end of an era for me. I mean, i know, i know, it's totally cheese - but little more than 20 years ago i left some theatre somewhere holding my mom's hand after having watched the original Star Wars - in total awe and amazement, an obsession developing as i got into the car and drove away from that theatre.

Well there i was last night, relishing in the same soundtrack practically - 20 years, thats a long time. I am older now. what a difference 20 years makes.

but all the same - how things stay the same. still an only child - looking for my next obsession.

well, if you don't mind, i think i can spend some more time on this one. like an old hat - or my very first dog - it feels right.
thanks.

An UnfortuNATE Series of Events

So - it's no secret, this week has been challenging for me. On many levels. The most obvious one is my lack of sleep, last night i got some good sleep though. But I have been unbearable in my own mind. I have been on the verge all week, the verge of what I cannot say, but I have been there.
Today as I was driving to work, i said...outloud talking to myself "things are much better today, i feel 100% better.
No sooner did I get these words out, than out of the corner of my eye I see a woman crossing the street, in the middle of the intersection, she ran in front of a bus and then in between two cars. I imediatley screamed out "You stupid fucking idiot", my face was all twisted and my forehead all scrunched up.
I then glanced in the mirror to make sure no one was going to hit the back of the car because I had to slam on my brakes because the "IDIOT" was about to be slaughtered on the road. As I looked in the mirror I burst into laughter....it was so ironic, milliseconds earlier I was happy and glad to be feeling better, and within a dog fart second my faced and voice showed complete and utter disgust.
Hi, I 'm Nate.

It only gets better though. As I was walking from the parking lot to my work I carried in my hand a tasty cardboard cup of coffee from Starbucks. Great for the stomach right? Well as I relished in my polar moods the wind picked up, seemingly dipped into my cup of coffee and blew about 6 large spittles of big coffee all over my shirt and pants. It would be one fucking thing if i were driving or something, but i wasn't. The coffee came up out of the little spout and blew right on my damn self.
I feel ok about it now, i might ruminate over it at 1 am tonight though. just sayin.

and now i want to introduce something to everyone.
my new special thing.
I am going to start writing in here the things which i have wanted to for sometime. On a daily basis I see something and i want to write about it. I see the craziness which invades our city. There are lots of crazy's out there, and i want to document them. therefore I am naming my new journal entries the following:
SPAW
Some Philadelphians Are Whack !


My next entry will be a SPAW entry. Stay tuned.

NATEY

DISCLAIMER - THIS IS NOT REAL FACIAL HAIR !!!!!!!!!!!!


dis here is a picture of my gurl meridith wit me on my day of birf last year. Y'all think she's got a nice penis too? (insert real bad interpretation of a backwoods incest couple......they brought me those fake mustaches and fabulous hat for my birthday party) It looks damn real on me doesn't it?

again, outside. Notice the new mac daddy grill in the background. I swear....this thing is unreal. Kevin treated himself.... 

On Sunday we gave Noah a new cut. Here he is, it's so cute, he looks like an overgrown cocker spaniel. 

switch

infectious.

so sunday night i watched my tivo'ed episode of the survivor finale. i was somewhat excited, not really too much though, you knew who was going to win. so i crawled into bed at around 11:30. kev was sound asleep, his right leg out of the covers laying on his chest and head turned toward me. He laid in that position for at least 5 hours. How do i know this? because. because i fucking stayed awake the entire night. nothing i did, nothing i thought about relaxed me. my mind was racing, i sang every song i knew, i did deep breathing, i even counted frickin sheep. nothing. at 4am i got up and went downstairs and laid on the couch, thinking the change in atmosphere would help. nope. not a thing. i drifted off by the time the alarm clock went off upstairs.....around 6am. i have no idea what is going on?
so to fix this, i went to the rite aid and got my prescription for ambien filled. I was just telling someone that i was so very grateful that my sleeping patterns had changed, that i was able to sleep without any aid and sleep a damn good sleep at that.
well screw you natey.. that just goes to show ya.......keep your damn mouth shut bitch.

so last night i took my ambien, outstandingly exctied to get some sleep. i was smiling as i laid my head on the pillow. alas, the ambien sorta didn't work. it made me groggy, but didnt lay me out. I was so pissed, i got up, and took another half pill. did the trick, mostly. if you can believe it though i did wake up at like 3am to drain the lizard.....whats going on? why?
Things are not bad right now, they are really really good. kevin and i are doing well, the house is great, my student loans are getting paid, as well as my cc bills. whats wrong? whats the fuckin deal? was it because rob and amber didn't win the race? is it because i am nervous for britney with her new endevor? is there no end?

on other news. our summer schedule so far.

Memorial day weekend
- our 5 year anniversary is next friday - we are going back to the scene of the crime - rehoboth beach.
June
10-12 Nate is going to DC for a get together with undergrad friends.
14-20 Nate's mom is coming to visit.
24-26 possibly nyc pride

July
4 - nothing yet (suggestions)
24th - Nate's birthday (more than likely having our annual summer bash)
28-31 - Nate's high school reunion/Montreal gay pride

August
20-27 - off to P'Town with bob and dave !!!!!!!!

unscheduled : Kevin's parents to visit.......
and thats all so far.




talk to you later, gotta take a nap ------jack

and this is ant an i. on that spiral staircase, but it's not a good picture of the stairs....i also think i need to find out how to purchase a new zip code for my big fat head....but thats another issue all together. (anthony is one of the people who's clothes we wore for the fasshion show thingy) 

This has to be one of my most favorite shots of kev...it's really cool with the light and jordan (doggie). oh..and the sangria was damn tasty too. 

Really nice shot of Nick and Ted......lighting is everyfing dahling............. 

The "belated" May 5 celebration - some of da bois.... 

One last shot of me crossing the finish line, i know i know, enough with the running shit. I am just proud is all. so shut your damn mouth. 

May 5th Belated

So we went to a belated may 5th get together last night. It's was at a friends house in Queen Village, it's an old school house, and from what i can tell, one of the most amazing outdoor spaces I have ever been to. The outdoor area on the ground floor is slate with tons of green stuff, candles, fishpond, bamboo....very very cool. But the most amazing thing is this spiral staircase that goes up basically three stories high. It is so frickin cool. I love it so much. I had a purty picture taken on it, so i will post it when i get a chance.
The party itself was really fun, innocent and a nice time to catch up with people. So new faces and some old ones, all the same, really nice to see everyone, and can't wait to do that again. That's what i love about this time of year, more things to do and more people to see.


As I was at said party i did not get to watch the finale of The Amazing Race, but mother fucker, i signed on to aol and on one of their flash news things it showed Rob and Amber, that they did not win, which really pissed me off. I have it tivo'ed and plan to watch it tonight. Can't wait.

The other day I came out of the gym and two of our friends Mike and Steve were basically holding some guy up who was shaking and wimpering. He was really scarey, i almost thought that maybe he had a diabetic "shelby" moment or passed out and hit his head. But that was not the case. I asked if they needed help, but they said just space, that he had just seen a terrible accident.
I didn't know what it was till the next morning, but this man apparently lost control of his car when his brakes failed, or his gas pedal got stuck.....either way he was going down our most populated street in Philly - Walnut Street......he ended up flying off the street onto the sidewallk and flipped his car. The most awful thing is that he hit a pedistrian and killed her.
Apparently this guy that i saw was two steps in front of her when it happened. Can you imagine.
Anyway - it reallyl brought home how vulnerable we all are. She was just walking down the fucking street and bam......it really kinda shook me up for the last couple days. It also brings new perspective for me, as a therapist....who occasionally treats trauma clients. Very scary. and very altering on so many levels.

bridges

This weekend we took the low road, so much so that I barely spent any money this weekend. It's a nice change. A real nice change. Friday night we did ...nothing. Kev actually went out for a couple of drinks in the hood, and i stayed home and watched two movies.....SAW and the 2nd Bridget Jones. Both mediocre.....Bridget reveals a soft spot for me. Just cutesy and stuff. SAW was just gross, but entertaining anyway (ain't no critic here)
Saturday was nice, in that I spent a lot of time at home. At night kev and i were trying to get ourselves together to do something, but fate really told us to stay in. We drank some wine outside, then went inside and listened to music....I actually got out my photo albums and was getting a little tipsy, which meant i started to get sentimental. Really sentimental. I vowed to get in touch with some people. My undergrad years seem so far away...what a life it was. It was so much fun, but soooooo irresponsible. I LOVED IT. I miss it too, on some nights. I was such a porker though..wowo............
Anyway I already found one of my long lost friends. Feels good. Feels right on so many levels. I believe your friends and life form who you are, and thats important to be in touch with.

I will make a list of missing people soon, just in case someone happens onto this site....

Sunday we went to Indian buffet for dinner and to see House of Wax. Ok movie...Chad Michael Murray.....ouch. kevin was poking me from the side when he took his shirt off....poking me. poke. get . it?

Kevin took some good pictures, I really like this one ! 

Finished! 

I did it. It was amazing, but damn, could i look more broken down? ??????????