if all else fails and you long to be something better than you are today.....

I feel cheated in some way. it's not right, and it's not ok either. I speak of my weekend, my July 4th weekend. In years past July 4th marked the height of indulgence. It was the sign of summer.
And although I had yet another pleasant weekend, it wasn't off the hook, pull - your - pants - up fun. In '99 i went to the beach with my best friend Dan, thats Danika is your nasty, and we didn't even have a place to stay, figuring the gods of gay would find us a place to stay....and of course those gods came through. In consequent years Kevin and I have always had good times as well.... This year has been lackluster, a bad performance. On the other hand, thats what I have been pushing for.....less. Less insanity and less intensity. And now that I am here, with less....i don't think it suites me. (also to note, part of the reason it was such a slow weekend was because kevin had to work, his ass off)
Anyway I am stilll evaluating what it means to me. I feel bored in life right now....somewhat. Yet i know that my silly ass can't handle all the times when boring isn't sitting nexxt to me. The times like last summer when i fell off the sane boat for a while. ...when bad decision making has smacked me in the face, ass, and balls.
Yesterday we went to Belmar Beach, NJ. It's sorta got a gay section to it, no traffic getting there, perfect for a day trip really. Once we thought we were so hot and going to burst into flames we decided to drive over to Asbury Park and check out the so-called Gay Revitalization going on there.
Hm?
Hm?
Oddly enough I think we liked it.
So basically there is this hotel, i think it's called The Empress..and in the hotel is a club called Paradise. Its gay gay gay. But it looks like it's in the middle of Beirut.
So it's a hotel, bar and has a pool. Full full full of fags. From what we could tell they were mostly NYC fags. We didn't stay, but it's just so wierd. It's like a scene from your typical gay movie...this little pool with 150 gays jumping in and out of the pool, some tragic......a few decent ones......We might go back, just to do something different. It had energy. But....sometimes energy just aint enough to pay the bills bitch.
suck it-
ridgley

PS (picture is from the movie, Wolf Creek...actors name is Nathan Phillips....hot hot hot)