i thought you were special, i thought you should know.

It's just where I am right now. Thats all. It's where i always am I suppose. Which is totally annoying and totally not where I want to be. Anywhere but here.

My phone is on vibrate for you

I am sorry. This man is too much for me on some days and today I feel hella misguided. really. I do. So I just look at him. I want to meet him someday. him and rufus wainwright. Odd pairing right ? Rufus is such a tortured soul, I want to talk to him and find out what he feels on a daily basis. Now that his mother died I wonder how much more tortured he could be, maybe not at all. Who knows.

Anyway, back to Alexander here. Folks think Bill Compton is a hottie. I think that too, but this man is made for me. really, he is. every blond morsel of his body is for me. And apparently Kate Bosworth at this point.

I am not jealous though. Not me.

In other news, I got acupuncture today, as well as a shot of cortisone for my hip and knee pain. I have a 10 mile race on Sunday so I wanted to make sure I was able to do it. Will keep you in the loop.

Cheers folks.

something in your eyes is making such a fool of me

hello there blog readers. Whats going on ? Well not a helluva lot here, maybe a little more than I'd like actually, but things I don't really want to rehash here.

Things have been tough for a while now and it's not really been safe for me to express myself in such a public way, but I am getting there, so sorry for not posting sooner.

The Broad Street Run is this upcoming Sunday. It's a 10 mile race right down through Philly. It's a lot of fun and it's generally not that competitive of a race because so many people run in it, and it's a pretty easy run, mostly a slow slope down to Philly's Naval Yard.

I'll be doing it, despite having some hip and knee issues, related to bursitis. I got some shots last week and am going to get some tomorrow morning.

I started going to a Rehab Dr. He does acupuncture which is really cool and has been helping me deal with some aches and pains.

What is going on for everyone else round here? Let me know whats shaking and I will be updating more soon>

Kiss Kiss.

the lights are out and i barely know you

So. It's been a long time since I've felt this overwhelmed. Honestly. I am someone who always struggles with too many thoughts and too much going on in my mind.....but these last few weeks have been something different. In trying to articulate it in my head, I realize that it's helpful to write it out.
and here we are.

I just feel this sense of not knowing what to do. For instance, I've sat here looking at the same piece of paper for 15 minutes, i look at it, shuffle it aside, and then put it right back in front of me. This piece of paper, it's not nothing special. Doesn't say anything bad or even indicate anything is wrong, it's just a damn piece of paper.

I don't know where to turn, where to look for answers, which isn't something I am used to.

So let me be more specific. Home is hard right now. There seems to be a block happening, a stale mate might be what I would refer to it as. Just emotionally, it's still. like a puddle or marsh waters. In some wierd way, I am ok with this, but it's overwhelming. Very very overwhelming.

Then there is the whole roomate thing. We had a roomate who left abruptly, and basically left the top floor of our house a shit hole. Not cool. and of course, suddenly we are out a bit of money that we were used to. Has been an adjustment and a tough one at that. Too Boot my student load just increased to $600 a month. Which totally butt f#$k's me. in a bad way. Not good.

I just don't know what to do, where to turn. I just look at this same damn paper and don't do anything.

Just look at it's whiteness and take it in. As if it were a new thing. But i look closer and it's the same damn paper. All simple, and so so confusing.

nate

ps - i am about to delete Mika and Whitney Houston from my ipod. hate it.

the way you blowin up my phone

You just wait hookers. You just wait. I swear I will have some readership, no matter how i have to promote.

Well, I am not quite that motivated, but my stat counter shows very very little visiting. At one point I had a lot of yous.

My sketchy ass finally got to see Avatar last night. By myself, which is always, for some fucked up reason, very cathartic for me. Anyway - I was so into it, i couldn't sit still, and .....oh god, my ass was quivering.

In other news, I am still stuck in Florida. I am sorta hatin on the NorthEast right now. It's taking me over a bit. We definitely did too much, in a good way. But next time I definitely have to spend some time just being. To note I saw my father. Which is very very odd in many ways, but more on that another time perhaps.

The boys in Fort Lauderdale were dirrrrrrty. Several memories are stuck in my head, but one in particular.....involving a flight instruction student and a text to Kevin and I. Ah. Good times.

We were well behaved though, not including the time we logged at Johnny's, but again,thats for another post.

Our host in Florida was amazing and we got some very special things done while down there and perhaps if you good little monsters I will show you soon.

Have a good day and blessed be the lord. te he he

don't believe the things you tell yourself late at night

Hello men. Hello ladies. And all in between. I am not too sure who and where you might get to me at this point, sometime ago I was sorta connected to the blogging world, but have greatly disconnected from this place.

I was in Fort Lauderdale last week, and decided to re-enter into the world of blogging. I have things to say, and I think I happen to say them with cleverness, somewhat limited cleverness, but certainly feel like I can entertain a bit.

So here I am asking you to take me back into your arms.

What you need to know :

I will spend a decent amount of time talking about music and entertainment stuff.

I will allow for a pretty extensive spewing of personal feelings and thoughts. If you don't like it I am sorry, it's just me.

I am going to be more personal this time around. I felt as though I had to be a bit sterile in my last attempt here. But with facebook and twitter now, people are ready to be read, and ready to be discovered.
So there.

Kiss it.

And leave me comments bitches. I need to feel loved.

Natey

ps - every title of the blog entry is a lyric to a song, that i happen to find interesting.

i come undone in this mad season

Summer is historically a time of great fun and busy times. Party to party, beach to beach. It has been nothing for us to be in Fire Island one weekend, Rehoboth the next, and then to Provincetown the following. Mix in the bag a little bit of Bucks County pool party lurvin, and you have in front of you our normal summer schedule.
This year has been wildly different. Not in a good way. I feel disconnected, and not ......normal. I've been giving a lot of thought to it this last week, as we close the final days of July.
In an honest attempt to paint myself in a more positive light, I understand our lives have been really "blessed", if you will, and that we are lucky boys to be able to travel and get invites and things. I know that we are totally fortunate in that regard. So I am not complaining. really am not.
Just trying to figure out why and how I got to feeling so socially detached. I think that we've gotten comfortable in not really making great efforts to connect with people outside of our immediate circle of friends. And I am not happy with myself in that way.
This summer started out really sad, I am not going to go into that right now, but sad is the only word to describe it, and I think we're still hungover from that sadness. Hopefully some of that is lifting, but I still feel foggy, disconnected and wonder what we did wrong.
Last night someone invited us to play Poker with people we don't know. We went and it was brilliant. Had so much fun. Connect the dots, and feel the rewards. Kevin also threw a really thoughtful party for my birthday last weekend. Which was really nice and I began to feel my heart beat a little bit.
Is it too late to start summer ?

i heard that you were trouble, but i couldn't resist

Team Jacob. For sure. No doubts about it. Jacob Black. Taylor Lautner. Yes. Yes. Yes.

sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell

To be sure, the running thing started out of the need to heal. Yeah, things weren't going too good in my life, things just weren't adding up. I took to running and found it to be this huge, enormous carthartic action.

And i felt better the more i ran. and i ran, and ran.

But just as sure as the positive effects are healing and help me to grow as a man, not being able to run like you want to, well it can feel devastating.

Since the Broad Street Run, I have been doing horrible on my runs. My breathing has come unraveled, my knee hurts, and most recently i have this horrible painful hip problem. Almost every run turns into this painful and stressful experience and its pissing me off.

I just got an x-ray of my hip to see my ortho doctor tomorrow morning. I wouldn't normally be so concerned with it all, except that i should be in full swing training for the Philly Distance Run (it's a half marathon).

Just thought I would share. I am not too sure who is stil around here, but if you are still checking this out, after all the time has passed, would sure like to hear from you.

COMMENTS !!! Now !!!!!!!!

Tao

For some time i've been toying with a new tattoo. I think it's time. I think it's time to make some change across the board. Not sure what or how. But am thinking that a tattoo and a new lease is the way to go.

I've just had another birthday, one where Kevin really treated me to a nice and wonderful time. A party and many cocktails later, I literally could not stand up. really. Apparently I could not sit down either, as I fell of my chair backwards. Bad. And good at the same time. It was my birthday for god sake.
Anyway, my intent will go un-named right now, but I know that change is in the air.....and figuring that tattoo out might be just the way to start.

safe from harm

Well, here we go. Another week to start, feeling good about this week. Have a lot to do and a lot to sort through, but have to stay strong and focused on whats ahead.....whatever that is. Feels a lot like big change is coming, can't elaborate, but it's coming. For me......for my journey.

Am reading Wally Lamb's new book...and I am really liking it, moves me. So much does anymore, I guess my thirty something ass is finally getting it.

Recently found some new old songs. Annie Lennox, pure perfection.
Love you the most.
NR

they call me hell

Hey. Some days you can win, or at least fake it and then some days you just suck it big time. Today feels like I am sucking it big time. Impossible to talk to someone who just isn't present. Not one bit. So often it feels like my age is not relevant. That the schoolyard chase was the only thing that really ever mattered. UGH !!!

But, in an effort to be a grown up who is focused on changing what I can, and making a difference with myself and not others.....
have you heard the Ting Tings ??? I love them. LOVE THEM.
Thinking of going running, but feeling a bit foggy for that too. Not sure what else to do right now, but one thing is for sure. I can do what I am doing.
Anyway - have a fun day and I will talk to You Later !!!!!!!!
Natey

and the new year begins. with much ado. So many things to peek ahead for. What the economy will bring us, what our choices will land for us.
It's all so mysterious, isn't it ?
Well I just wanted to check in with you all. To let you know what was up in this part of town.
we went to see Milk yesterday. So so so powerful and moving. I could not stop sobbing after the movie. Such a nutbag I am. But i HIGHLY recommend it for you all. Sean Penn is uncanny in his work. James Franco is one hot little box. Totes.

travel the world within my lips

I looked over to the Lat Pull Down Machine today and spotted it.

The reason to return.

Mind you, I'd already tried to get to the doctor's this morning (big toe is doing something nasty and hurts like a whore) and then went to the gym (forgoing my run due to said toe jam) and was moving along pretty nicely with a tough shoulder workout - when.....zoot alors - there it was !!!! quite possibly the biggest camel toe this side of Saudi Arabia.

I said at that moment "damn Nate, get back to blogging, the world needs to know about these things !!!"

I have been missing for a long time now - and I can't really cite one specific event or reason for having dropped off.....I can say, with a great amount of certainty and regret, that I've detached from a lot of things. I have let important friendships and goals fall away. I don't return calls, sometimes won't return emails.....and it's not because I do it with purpose...I just don't feel like it. And that's been selfish.

It's totally foolish to list the things i need to change in 2009....and I know that, but there is alot that has to be tweaked. So I am setting about doing that now. I have to get my shit together and plan on taking full advantage of the challenges ahead of me.

So my dear dear friends, please forgive for my detachment and poor follow thru. I do so regret it, but I am here now, and will be for some time. Winning blogger readership can be a tough road, i know that, but i had a good following for a while. So hold please, and judge later.

Love you the most.

Nate

Friday. And end of summer ish feelings.
lots to do and lots to do it with.
last few training days for a long race.
annual humungoid party.
fashion.
red wine.
a little fig candle action.
fabric.
cool nights with cool people.
wish you were here.