I don't know what it is, but you've got to do it

In my mind I knew that the time would come to face this.
And please be warned this is not a pretty post, by any stretch...it's really not. And i struggled to decide to write about this here, but i am going to, because, well just because.
I resolved a long time ago to forget about my father. After many many sleepless nights (perhaps a novel one day) I came to understand that the best thing to do was to let go of the worry and the hate.....and just let it be.
A raging alcoholic who smoked enormous amounts of pot my whole childhood, my father was not a great role model. But that was ok. My mother is amazing -- and to be honest, it helped me develop a skill set, as an only child, that i find invaluable in this adult life.

There have been times of sobriety which were pretty amazing to see. A different person altogether. In 1996 i said my last goodbye to him though, when he was shipped off to Florida for treatment for the 4th time in as many years. He had heroin in his veins and that was all that mattered to him. I assume that it was this drug use which hurt him the most, and i know it was this drug that has him fighting for his life now. Hep C is also in him now. And it's not looking great.
On and off from 1996 until last year, i would hear from him from time to time...not really caring to talk to him, but knowing he was alive was nice.
I am not sure what has changed, but this last year i decided, not consciously mind you, to talk to him more. (by more I mean maybe four times in a full year)
The other day on the phone to me, he said "I'm going to miss you son". Its so odd. To hear those words.
I am not truly sure of his prognosis, I think it’s not good, as he is getting Interfuron (SP) next month, and that’s usually a last chance stop for chronic Hep C folks.

I have decided to go see him, no regrets.
I don’t regret that I made the decision to cut him out of my life 8 years ago, quite frankly I don’t even know if there was room for me and herion addiction anyway.
But I think I would regret not seeing him one last time. Because I can, and that chance may no longer be here for me in the future.
So Miami here I come, trying to find cheap flights and a fairly decent place to stay. It's going to be a taxing trip, but one that will pay off in the end.
I am sure of that.