the lights are out and i barely know you

So. It's been a long time since I've felt this overwhelmed. Honestly. I am someone who always struggles with too many thoughts and too much going on in my mind.....but these last few weeks have been something different. In trying to articulate it in my head, I realize that it's helpful to write it out.
and here we are.

I just feel this sense of not knowing what to do. For instance, I've sat here looking at the same piece of paper for 15 minutes, i look at it, shuffle it aside, and then put it right back in front of me. This piece of paper, it's not nothing special. Doesn't say anything bad or even indicate anything is wrong, it's just a damn piece of paper.

I don't know where to turn, where to look for answers, which isn't something I am used to.

So let me be more specific. Home is hard right now. There seems to be a block happening, a stale mate might be what I would refer to it as. Just emotionally, it's still. like a puddle or marsh waters. In some wierd way, I am ok with this, but it's overwhelming. Very very overwhelming.

Then there is the whole roomate thing. We had a roomate who left abruptly, and basically left the top floor of our house a shit hole. Not cool. and of course, suddenly we are out a bit of money that we were used to. Has been an adjustment and a tough one at that. Too Boot my student load just increased to $600 a month. Which totally butt f#$k's me. in a bad way. Not good.

I just don't know what to do, where to turn. I just look at this same damn paper and don't do anything.

Just look at it's whiteness and take it in. As if it were a new thing. But i look closer and it's the same damn paper. All simple, and so so confusing.

nate

ps - i am about to delete Mika and Whitney Houston from my ipod. hate it.