my first steps as a child of 25

After a tough few days, my sights are set. I am over it. Totes over it. Of course I have been watching Tivo'd episodes of Grey's Anatomy.....and Eric Dane....wow. What a package on this dude. (so shallow, what have i become?)

Anyway, not much planned for this Labor Day weekend, thankfully. I really want to set forth in deepening my roots here in Philly. We know so many people, but there just needs to be more, more for me anyway. Deeper relationships, core relationships...... I haven't felt content here for a while, so it's a thing for me now. A thing.
Anyway, hope everyone is well. And will have a good weekend. I am def going to try.....any ideas here in philly? 

tank you

Umm........ have you seen the new video for Evanescence’s new song “Call Me When Your Sober”? It is fantastic…. I love love love dark lit, fabricccy, dramatic things, and this is no exception to that love. She even floats up in the air, which really sealed the deal for me. And, what made me loose it all together was the man pictured here. Holy Mother of All Things Wood.

Last night I was running for my life. Absolutely, positively running from some guy who was trying to kill me, and all my friends. It was so weird because this guy looked normal, like someone who would walk by you on the street and you wouldn’t think anything of him. Turns out he decapitated a few of my friends, right while I was standing on a street corner…..which, of course, is when I started to run. By the end of my dream last night though, this guy was supposed to be reformed, not a slasher anymore, and I was supposed to be his friend. The level of fear and anxiety was like a tsunami, then I woke up. I can still feel the pressure though. I can.

One last thing.
While in Ptown we saw the most redeeming part of the trip on Monday night at the Crown and Anchor. Showgirls. Hosted by Ryan Landry. Hilarious, just as it was last year. The best part though was when Ryan’s boyfriend, Penny Champagne did a throttling rendition of Hot Child In The City. Full with a fan blowing on her and trash bags flying all over the stage.
HCITC was the first song I downloaded when I got back to the mainland. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

lookin wild and looking pretty

It's not over till the fat lady sings people. My post from yesterday was a bit morbid perhaps...but it was a general feeling of desperation, for being back to life and, as Bob put it, not flirting and drinking and walking on the beach every day........ Also...if i am being honest, last year in PTown....it felt like heaven on earth, honestly, there was nothing more pleasing that i could think of. This year, there was not as much magic. And our last night there was sorta a mess. (and i will not elaborate on that, trust) I had an amazing time, but, it wasn't out of this world orgasmic. So, i am still trying to classify my overall experience. It rained three days while we were there, which is a little challenging to deal with, for me anyway. We did get to meet justin, from http://meetjustin.com. So very nice and easy to talk with. Unfortunately we didn't get to hang out too much.

Yesterday though, something happened at work that sorta snapped me out of my funk, which is a good thing. When doing what i do, you come to understand that sometimes your own problems are just ......... problematic, when other's problems can be downright debilatating.
So a few more pictures to enjoy. And a little less drama.

this is the last time

Back from Ptown. First day at work today. Not thrilled. Not thrilled about too much.
What to say about ptown? Hmmppphhh.
It's sorta not a thrilling topic for me right now. Iwish it were not so, but, you know.....back to life blues.
This is Bob and I, just as we entered our last night out. Which ended up being the most........interesting night.....
We're back, in one piece.
Thats all i can say.
Enjoy the monday.
And to the mean hateful person who left me a really terrible comment...dont' read my blog.
Or shut the fuck up.

 

 

danger in the shape of something wild...

 

See ya later suckers !!!

So, with much much stress and anxiety, we are leaving for Ptown tonight.
It's just been a hard week for me, Nate, and I am really holding myself together for a fun week. We will leave in the middle of the night tonight, with a few hours of sleep. It avoids traffic, which could utimately end my life, sooooo we scoot on up I95 without any stress and deliberation.
I can't wait !!!!!!!!!

Hopefully i'll be back nice and tan and relaxed. Sorry the posts are little to none this week, but you understand sweetie, don't you? Hope so.
Until then my little ones.
Nate 

i'm gonna give you what you deserve....

I swear i have seen this guy many times before...in real life, but ......well...oh. I admire him from afar. Thats all i can say.
Ummmm, plans for Ptown continue and this whole week is a big mess of excitement. Just can't wait to get away. I think work is really getting to me lately. I need some time off for sure. Last week took a lot out of me emotionally at work, and I am not recooping very well.
Anyway, enjoy...tis J.

love - nate 

i do not wanna die inside just to breath in

So. I have fallen for two men. It happens every few years. I buy lots of things from them. Overboard. No questions asked, i am uncaring with my money when it comes to them. (did i just say that???) But it's true.
I like my clothes. I would like them more if i made more $$$....tangent.
Anywho...DSquared. Thats all i know. Hot, sexy, and ....well thats all i need, don't know about you.

We are having a last minute party tonight. Kevin, out of the blue, decided it would be a nice time to stress ourselves out. And we did, but it all came together. Small, yet smart. If your in the hood....??

Loove you the most.
Nate

PS - Body Dysmorphic Disorder : When you spot a homeless person on the street and are jealous of his cut abs.
just sayin

hard to say i'mmmmm sorry.

I had to do this, I just had to. Sorry folks. I know every other gay has these men on their sites, but.....well. I had to. I really really like those diesel underwear.....wrapping up that nice.....oh. I had to.
Enjoy and ummm.
Have a power bar today. 

my two feet can't find a way

Aint' no other man i tell ya.....Nathan sounding off from my little piece of net.
How y'all doin? good good, great. Wonderful. I am having a fine day myself.

Once upon a time, I tried something called Rescue Remedy to get me through a very very difficult time. Very funny actually now that I look back at it.
A friend of mine, amiee, believed in herbal remedy type stuff, and she had this stuff called Rescue Remedy which you put on your tongue and it helped to calm you down. Anyway – at a certain point (insert lyin, cheatin partner) I was in need of a little help, to relax. Pharmacology was not really in my mind, so I gave the ol’ rescue remedy a try. Didn’t help, but its funny as hell now that I think about it. ( Desperation will lead you to many many things. This just happens to be the g rated part of how I dealt with my drama. )

Yesterday I could have used some rescue remedy. I felt horrible. Just horrible. But today, it's all good. And I have been able to get my sexy back. A good portion of it prolly had to do with Kevin and I getting our household back in order. We have been temporarily dodging household duties, but last night we pulled it together. Felt good. Then I watched a tivo’ed episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Love it.
If only I could do voice over’s in my daily life like merideth grey does every week…oh wait, I do.
Moving along. Things to think about.

Go listen to Love Song for a Vampire. Annie Lennox. I know, I know. It’s from Bram Stroker’s Dracula, but its sooo soo good. Give it a shot. Sad and haunting. Hauntin I tell ya.

I hated Déjà vu, (Knowles) now cannot get it out of my head. Can Not !

I don’t feel like dancin (scissor sisters) has also grown on me quickly.

The Killers…………New song is rockin, cannnnn’t wait for their new cd either.

And just sayin, I'm still waiting for Britney’s comeback cut !

P’Town is heaving heavily for us right about now.

Like a cat in heat. It’s purring.

Watch it hooker – things will never be the same.

perhaps i am not intrested in you....neither are you.

During a recent dinner conversation with a friend, I was lamenting the progression of my relationship with Kevin….addressing the challenges and pleasures of a relationship in it’s 6th year. The conversation led to my friend’s coming out story. One which was marked with much emotional tidal and pressure. To note, my friend is perhaps one of the driest humored people I have ever met.
Anyway, being in love with his best friend for many years, he had a particularly difficult hangover from a night of much wanton longing and pain with his friend (who never came out as being gay, or mildly interesting in experimenting).
Friend talked of how he went to a Sporting Goods / Hunting store on that day and began to pick out a gun to use on himself to end his pain.
In the end he made the choice to live and move away from his life circumstances, becoming a well rounded, upstanding addition to the gay community.
I asked him what motivated him to take the braver, more challenging, route to live, rather than end his life.
His response?
“I couldn’t rationalize buying something so expensive that I would only get to use just once.”

do i seem too eager to please?

Setting: Target - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Characters: Nate
Innocent Mother of Three
Crazy Driver: Teenager Addition
Gleefully shopping for a variety of household items, and perhaps something special on sale with a bright orange sticker attached to it, Nate spends around 20 minutes perusing the store.
When he gets to the Ipod section (he is a total sucker for the electronic section), he lets go of his cart, and picks up a new docking station to check it out. In two minutes he resumes shopping. Close to the section where he might pick out lotion, he realizes that he has the wrong cart. The cart which he has been pushing around has all kinds of materials for scrapbook making ? In a fit of anxiety Nate runs back to the area near IPods where he let go of his cart. There it is, his very own cart…not thinking, he starts to push his cart away..only to be stopped by a female voice…”that’s my cart.” “No ma’am see, this is not your stuff, it’s mine.” “well where did my cart go?”
“I have no idea, perhaps someone else mistook it for theirs”

Nate runs to the check out counter, concerned that witnesses may be able to point out his crime.
Nate proceeds to spend money on items that he does not need, Target is always nice to him that way, and on the way out to his car, zoot alors, he is almost run down by a teenage driver.
Nate screams, “PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR DOING !!!!!’
In fast moment Nates pauses to laugh incoherently at the irony of this situation.
Realizing that he had just hijacked a cart because he was NOT PAYING ATTENTION, he wipes tears of laughter from his fluffy face !!!!

if life is a bowl of cherries.........................

Past weekend we had the opportunity to spend it with good friends at their weekend house...complete with pool, gardens, and it's very own resident rat snake. Which i saw on Sunday morning when it almost got nudged by my big toe....while walking on a wooden path. That morning was also the morning i acted the part of complete woman and screamed with a yelp that was heard for miles and miles and miles. I HATE SNAKES. I have no room for them in my life. As a child i would catch them with my bare hands and put them in a bucket and just play with them......no more. I am a full fledge poootang boy when it comes to snakes. and slugs.
I hate slugs.
On sunday night i tried mussels, you know, to see if i liked them. I felt like i was eating a slug.
I don't like mussels.
Or slugs
or snakes. So shove off. 

in the deep

 

 

still dirrty