what would it be like to make you moan?

Ah. Cute picture right boys?
Philly has it's little area of gay called the Gayborhood. I literally want to vomit when I hear that term, or if i have to say it. but it's what the gay is called. Some blogs out there have noted that most recently the city put permanent rainbow signs on the corner of all these gay streets. It's nice to know your homo when you get there i suppose. At any rate, a new Starbucks went in, right on the corner, near the gay gym....and all things gay. This morning i got a Vanilla Frapp...skinny. As i left i became acutely aware of my surroundings.
You see, one of the only non-gay things there is across the street from the Starbucks. It's a Methadone Maintenance program. The mornings are when the people are given their treatments. I don't think it opens until 9 am. Around 8:30 there are so so many former heroin addicts littering the sidewalks that I could spend five hours detailing the behaviors and things i see. There is no judgement here...none at all... (dad liked his heroin).......but man o man. Thrown in a few of the gay trying to get the vanilla fraps and iced lemon pound cake...and you got yourself quite the circus act kids.
My favorite time of the day.

peace be with you

So, we had our weekend down at the beach. Was fun. Beautiful weather, and we def did not want to come back here to Philly. I can't say that I was the best person to be around though....for some reason I'd had a lot going on in my head....mostly because of self esteem issues I think. I got on the scale this morning, to check in with myself, reality testing.....and sure enough, i can say...with great assurance that I weigh close to 10 more pounds right now than i did last year on this weekend. I've no idea how it happened, nor when it happened...but as I looked at the pictures from this weekend, I could tell...of course i have been working out more, and probly about 5 of those pounds are muscled mass, still.........i can tell and it made me a bad person to be around this weekend.

Sorry for that.

We did have a nice time with Kacy and Hilary though, and with each other. We ended up at Ocean City, DE one night and rode rides and had old school fun on the boardwalk...We lauged a lot and I am so so happy that summer is here finally. Unfortch, i have to get my ass together and stop being a freak !!

OK, back to work....after four days off, it feels just WONDERFUL to be working again...LOL.

Check ya later.

Take a close look at this picture, kevin is rolling behind me, this is a round tube thing that spins all the way around...he broke his head on this one.

With an intellect and a savoir-faire

• The neutral pH level.
• The most common number chosen when asked to choose a number between 1 and 10.
• The number of notes in a musical scale.
• The smallest positive integer requiring more than one syllable.
• The number of wonders of the ancient world.
• The number of days in a week.
• The number of colors in a rainbow.
  

Seven years ago, this weekend, Kevin and I met and have been inseparable since. You can say a lot of things about us. You definitely can do that.
But can you say you've been with the same person, hip to hip, back to back...... for seven years? we can. we do. we celebrate our 7 year anniversary this weekend at the beach.

ghosts of you

i must must must address the nice person who said that i was becoming a gay cliche in my comments section.........

wait a second, no i don't.

by

pulls me through the seat of chairs

So as you can tell by the pictures the weekend was full. My coffee was strong this morning, the sun is bright.....all things are in line, to lead me into a nice stable Monday morning at work, and yet i feel like a used whore. Things just aren't adding up for me today and i recognize that means i have to do some soul searching. I feel really terrible. It was a rocky weekend for kevin and I, and that is so unsettling. I can testify that i was out of sorts.

Friday night we went to some benefit for Manna. It was nice, but i couldn't shake a feeling of anxiety or being unsettled. It was alarming, and i actually saw myself wanting more alcohol because of it. which made me feel worse............Saturday was just a little more of the same thing, we slept really long and then went up to New Hope to dinner at a new friend's house. Amazing time, yet again feeling like a stranger in my own body. We ended up driving back to Philly by like 1AM. Sunday we went to the Italian Market festival (the pig heads came from there), and then back up to New Hope for a party and then tea dance. All very fun, yet all influenced by my mood. I guess I know that I have to figure out whats getting me all fired up, but I can't think of anything off the bat.....all the same, i've started to count down my time until the end of the work day, so i can go home and deconstruct my mind a little.

Oh, isn't this a great pic? The pool at this house is so amazing !!!!! As is the hospitality !!!

also sunday afternoon in new hope

sunday afternoon in new hope

all i can do is keep breathing

I sat down to watch my Tivo'ed Grey's Anatomy. I thought next week was the season finale. I was wrong. And i was worked the fuck out. That shit had me all messed up. I sat thinking about how they would wrap it all up next Thursday night, and as the show went on, and the build up intensified i began to realize....this was it. And then..............i was crying. Like a big headed baby. Jessssssssssuss !
That Sandra Oh....!!!!!
sorry.
Now back to our regular gay blogging

if you don't know and you can't care.....

Head over to VH1.com and listen to the new Maroon 5 cd. It's freakin' amazing !!! No shit man. Not only is Adam Levine a Hot McHot, but the sounds coming out me old speakers are like audio crack cocaine. No joke.

I've hired a trainer, just once every few weeks, she be good at her job. And i've come to understand some of my gym problems. I go to the gym, and i don't really sweat, unless I do cardio. This trainer o'mine, makes me stinky sweaty. I've come to realize that I don't work hard enough, I don't finish sets sometimes, or i don't load the weights enough. If anything her help is making me get into more of a "meathead" mentality. Which is ultimately fan - gay -stic.

Oh - I gotta tell ya, when you leave comments anonymously, it is disheartening. Expose your self !!!!!!!!!

bye all.

Nate

my treasure chest is broken easily

I've found it. A new CD worth posting about !!!!
I hated his first song, Going to a Town, from Rufus Wainwright's new CD. Do not like it at all, so i was totally pensive about buying the whole cd from Itunes today - new music Tuesday.
But i did. And I LOVE IT. I've often teetered on his music, well....that last cd...want two, just wasn't for me. the other's i've generally loved, so I lie. I've always liked him. This new cd is fluid and wonderful. I suppose it isn't for everyone, but if you dig him, this is him doing things really well.

Here we go.
Today, i've been obsessively trying to secure our house in Fire Island. It's tough work, we want just the right house, in the right location and blah blah blah. I've found one on the Bay, which is not my first choice, but the price is right and the pool is wonderful. It really is. And we have room for two more people !!! Ah ! It's shaping up for sure.
I could go there this weekend and feel minor discomfort. In order for me to totally enjoy myself though i'm going to have to loose some pudge. Which makes me crazy.

Pictures below were from this past weekend in Baltimore with Bob and David. Totes fun, and dangerous as always.
See ya

happy

our back yard

you can see me taking the picture in the reflection....

and we'll all go down together

i put the dog out for you

Friday night.
It was so nice out. warm and sunny, much like my disposition. Friends from Baltimore were coming to spend the night and party it up. I left work a little early, investing in my soul. Hardy har har.
We end up sipping Blood Orange Margaritas from El Vez. Outside on the walk. Sunny and rolled up sleeves. Oh how those drinks slid down. mmmmm mmmm good.
Two hours later, oh hell why not, let's go to Bump, oh.....two hours later...let's go to Woody's. Kevin makes the decision to go home. He doesn't want to get too drunk, and have to ride his bike home.
He voices concern for me as well, given that I also had my bike.
oh hesh up Kev, i'll be ok.

Not all that long after Kevin, I am riding my bike, and i have an accident.
Let me share the wounds, then I will share the details of the accident. Which are hilarious and insanely stupid. Of me.
I have scabs on the following places....actually some have not even scabbed up yet.
My shoulder, my two big toes, my knee, my hip, and my big fat head.

I was hungry....................girl gets hungry after downing five hours of cocktail.
I stopped for Pizza. just a slice, merely a token really.
I didn't have money for the pizza, but since the owner is our neighbor, he gave me the slice for free. Brussel Sprout pizza.....delicious.
I got on my bike promptly. With pizza in hand. Going the wrong way on a one way street. Somehow my front wheel turned inward, and i flew like a bird, right over the handle bars. into the middle of the street. My shirt ripped on my shoulder, my glasses went flying and the pizza and plate scattered all the way on the other side of the road.
Red.
Hot.
Mess.
love ya,
Nate


PS - i had flip flops on too. nate is so intelligent, He makes the bestest decisions all the time. Consistency.

12 Stops and Home

You journeyed downwards for me
There aint much left down here to see
You’re just too cool for me
You made quite a fool of me
You brought out the school in me,
in me
But I never knew anyone tougher than you
And that’s when
The blue picadilly takes me away from the city
Maybe someday you’ll forgive me
Twelve stops and home



--------------The Feeling

extraordinary

This is perhaps the result of a night of drinking and subsequent regret. Eric and Jeremy of years gone by Amazing Race (eric just won the all stars).
Stay tuned for a blow by blow recall of my night of drinking and subsequent regret from this weekend.

you should have worn shoes

Lost is working my puuuussayyy out. That shit is making me crazy. More than anything though, Mr Sawyer is taking me over. He's so so bad. And so so good. For my eyes.

maybe far away, or maybe real near by

Ummm, there are guidelines for this sort of thing ? ? ? ? ?

My grandmother...she just told me that she has a "kinky back". i'm bringing kinky back.

Justin T in the house. I tell ya, it' s no wonder i'm so hip, i have a long line of hipness behind me.

a bad day when.....................

SUNBURY, Pennsylvania (AP) --
A woman accused of holding police at bay by brandishing poisonous snakes was sentenced to house arrest and probation.

"I just wasn't in the right frame of mind that night," said Terry Jackson, 36, at her sentencing Monday.

Officers were trying to prevent the despondent woman from harming herself with a hunting knife when the confrontation took place October 25, police said.
Jackson picked up two western diamondback rattlesnakes, a pigmy rattlesnake and two copperheads to try to keep police from taking her into custody, authorities said.
Jackson, who was raising the snakes for laboratories, received several bites during the standoff and was taken to a hospital after police subdued her with a stun gun.

Jackson pleaded no contest in March to one count of reckless endangerment. She was sentenced to two years' probation and will spend the first six months of her sentence under house arrest. She must also receive drug and alcohol counseling.
She said she was beset by alcohol abuse and family problems and had wanted to kill herself.

i still don't have a reason

Funny thing happened on the way to fun.

Saturday we went to a fantastik party. We just had a fun fun time. right mix of people....la la la.
And something happened that I've been thinking about a little. And i am afraid that I've misrepresented myself. The last few years, I've tried to sorta get my shit together and be a "nicer" person. Someone who people don't feel threatened by, because in the past sometimes the feedback I've gotten is that i am unapproachable or intimidating. yet i always connect with people on a decent level...oddly enough i believe that people relate to a little bit o' bitchy.
Saturday - someone got all pissy with me because i was taking candid pictures of everyone at the party, surprise photos....Pissed person sorta yelled at me, and the general concept of the yell was that i was trying to have a laugh at other people's expense (bad pictures......).
the more I've thought about it.....................................yeah, so ???? Ha fuckin ha. I have a bit of a forked tongue. Welcome to the Dollhouse. (and the weirdest part of it all was that the picture wasn't all that bad )

The party was fun and we both got pretty buzzed, in fact, we had a great time that night, and ...guess what? Sunday was hell. My re coop from a night of balls to the wall party is really killin me. I can't do it anymore. My head...my eyesight the next day. It's like .......it just sucks.
I think it was worth it though, I am happy we had fun, and happy to have oodles of pictures from our night. Wanna see some ??????

Have a nice nice blessed day people.

Nate