she goes downtown, the boys all stop and stare
New hair cut. It was like the heaven's opened up and said "Welcome home lady N". Seriously. I was trying, yet again, to grow that mop out and it was looking haggard. Of course my hair dude was dying for me to let it keep growing, but I just couldnt' hang. No way, no how. There wasn't really one person who said anything nice about it. Anyway, this is me right out of the salon.....and I have gay face. I know. But dont' really care. I dig the hair cut, makes me feel good again.
Onward and upward.
New Music Tuesday - Nothing, not a thing....well a few. Anna Nalick's new single "Shine" is a pretty good follow up to her first stuff......as well as Fischerspooner's new single "The Best Revenge," but i've had that for a while. It's good and the remixes are great.
So.
I might as well discuss this...see if anyone has ideas....well not even for that. Just to talk about something.....so as you know, in December I was feeling really sick......really bad. Of course, i've thought of the worst.
I was a mess pretty much all December, and have new respect for how people deal with fearing that sort of thing (hiv). Sobbing for like, three weeks straight. Kevin was amazing......I was messy. MESSY. Totally unreal.
However, my symptoms have not cleared. I am scared, unsure of what is going on. When I got sick in December my glands in my neck got all swollen, towards the end of Decmeber the glands near my collar bone got sore and biggish....they are like the shape of a string bean, along my collar bone. The doctor is not alarmed, but I am. The problem is that I have neck pain, and I am constantly aware of these tight, pinching glands....if thats what they are. They hurt, not in a "I need medication" way...just in a way that i am aware and it's slightly annoying. The back of my neck is sore, like i did a million crunches and my neck is sore from it. Glands in the rest of my neck are slightly swollen, not huge. I have been getting headaches more than not, and can get pretty tired, almost fatigued. Anyway, my doc sent me to a Ear Nose Throat doc....to check my neck out. I go next week, and nervous about it. I want to find out whats wrong, and am afraid the doctor is going to think i'm nuts.....thoughts??????
3 comments:
No I don't think you're nuts. It must be very scary what you are going through. Cut back on your drinking until you feel better. Meditate, take things a little slower, enjoy the ride, enjoy Kevin, I have no room to talk but you don't have to do everything, at least not at once. - HughE
PS youre email address keeps bouncing me, I don't think we know each other. Feel better, hugs do wonders. Hmm I wish I were the same size as my partner, but that would mean less lunches with buddies and lifting heavy things at the gym
You know that's your FIERCE look, isn't it?
With regards to your illness...it may help you to think about what's the worst thing it could be...cancer, HIV? from what you've said HIV is unlikely given that you tested negative. Cancer at your age is an unlikely cause of swollen lymph nodes and specifically with lymphoma, the lymph nodes are usually painless. So...the worst things are very unlikely. The location of the lymph nodes (supraclavicular or above the collar bone) is unusual since those nodes drain the chest and abdomen...I would guess you likely have other lymph nodes that are swollen as well. If that's the case, then infectious etiologies are most common (such as Ebstein-Bar virus, Cytomegalovirus). Do you have a cat (toxoplasmosis, cat scratch fever)? Have you traveled out of the country or had exposure to tuberculosis? It's probably a little unsavory, but syphilis can cause lymph node swelling and neck pain as well.
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