Trust Smeared Nutella

5 letter word, trust is. Sometimes the amount of meaning in that 5 letter word can be acutely overwhelming. We all use it on so many levels almost every hour of our lives. I trust that my banking information is safe on the internet. I trust that my job is secure with every penny I spend on things that I don't need. You trust that the driver on the other side of the street knows the rules of the road. Our dog trusts that we will feed him every night. Our cat trusts that the dog won't eat her. Kids trust their parents to bath them. Lover's trust partners have their best interests at heart. Married people trust each other, completely. How do we do that so easily? How do we know that it's going to be a mutual trust.

We don't.
We take risks.
With our trust.
Because we are strong human beings.
We know that if trust is taken, we have the power, skills, and determination to recoup from it.

I remember a time when my trust was taken, my life turned upside down. It was nasty. The most terrible thing that had happened to me. I was side-swiped. It hurt, i couldn't breath without a pain in my ribcage. I couldn't sleep. I was a zombie. I would just cry, or not cry.
I lost about 12 pounds in less than a week and a half. I could not eat.....i lie. I remember my best friends had just come from Italy, and brought back some authentic Nutella. I could eat Nutella, with pretzels. Isn't it funny what you remember.? Nutella saved my life. Well, that and Lorazapam.
Of course I talk of finding my EX - boyfriend, whom i lived with, on a date with another guy. Cute guy. But destructive little dude, thats for sure. I mean, not directly destructive, but discreetly destructive.
I recouped though, i came back.
Shit roles uphill i guess, cause i displaced my trust issues on to some other unfortunate soul..I am sure he bounced back too once I got myself together.

Thing is.....I sorta, in a really ...fucked up way....I cherish that trust being blown out of my life. It formed me in a really important way. I know it sounds sooooo contrived and clicheeeeed, but I was so strong after that incident. I mean, sure, it took me a while, but my self-esteem came back, and when it did it came back 4x stonger.

we take risks, we succeed, we fail. We grow, we learn, we hurt, we flourish.


( in case you were wondering, this all came to me in a really cool way. in that time of nutella nutrition, i was addicted, absolutely fucking totally addicted to Sarah McLachlan's "You do what you have to do", that Cd had just come out (Surfacing). It just came on my ipod and i was flooded with thoughts and memory.)
(( and most importantly because i talk to so many people in my theraputic role who struggle with this thing called trust, i am constatly thinking about it)).