careful what you wish for

and be sure not to use two wishes on the same damn thing, because the third will rally to bite you in the ass, jerkoff.

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Always in my life, i've kept a log..a journal, diary...whatever . I don't write in it all the time, in fact there may be 8 months at a time when I don't write.
I always thought I'd be a writer or something like that....but it just never materialized.
Anyway with recent events I am writing full throttle in it....which ultimately illustrates that something is awry.
And there's no use beating around the bush about it....we had a very surreal weekend - reflective of a time in our relationship when things went bump in the night and you felt the bruise for weeks at a time. I am being cryptic, i know. but it has to be that way for now.
The point of my rant is basically to process it (which is hard to do without an objective position).
Ultimately I see that we make some poor decisions (could they be good decisions in disguise ???) for lack of better descriptors, and I - alone - seem to be the one who gets stuck with it in my head.
And it's totally my fault. Kevin has great capacity to get through situations when I am not.
Getting through.
Situations.

In a less blurred area of our lives - we are planning vacations soon, and i can't wait. Ptown is going to be smashing again - for sure. I have spent a lot of time lately playing with imagery and where it can take me. One of the playlists on my Pod has a song by Ben Jelen (don't ask) called Wicked Little Town. When we were in Ptown this summer some dude got up on stage at one of the shows we went to and he played, and sang this song. In his underwear. And he was smokin. Hot. I use this image, somedays. I do. Honest...and it's not sexual. It puts me in a better time and place, and allows me to breath. Which is a good thing.

Thats all, I feel better already.
One little piece at a time we spread the love - up and down the east coast....spread the love lady. Thats what we say.
The flip side of all this is that maybe we have more places to stay when we go a-travellin'. All i know is there is a towel in my laundry basket and it needs to be washed.

SWAK -
Neight